Once Upon a Tanbo

Gloomy Thursday

Posted on: November 1, 2007

I am one of those lucky individuals whoses moods are easily influenced
by the weather. In particular bad weather. Today I woke up to grey skies
and a slight pitter patter of rain. The main thing I hate about rainy
days is waking up to them. I like to lay in bed listening to the
soothing rain sound and be lulled back into a deep sleep, not so much
the case on a Thursday morning where I still had to shower, make a
packet of Chai tea, and get dressed/ready for work.

Despite these obstacles I was off to work and everything was ok, but
then I realized I left my cellphone in my apartment. Since I had just
left the building I decided to go back and get it.. thus adding an extra
4 minutes to my journey and causing me to miss my usual train. However
the train after it is still ok to get to work on time, just a little
more stressful since I usually like to arrive a few minutes early.

I’m starting to get more and more annoyed with the whole fingerprinting fiasco that will
be starting in Japan as of the 20th. It makes me so frustrated, and
although I am planning to send a letter and complain, I fear that it
will be a long time until things anything will be done. I’m not planning
to take an international trip until March so maybe the government will
have started to take some sort of actions by then to reacify what is
sure to be a disaster. For me personally the inconvience of waiting in
lines will be about it (besides the feeling of being degraded just because I wasn’t
born Japanese) but by not even offering benefits to those with PR or
Japanese children…. I hope that they rectify this or abolish the whole thing altogether. (yah right)

The thing is I really like living here.. I’ve thought about, oh what if
I moved back to the states, but honestly at this point there isn’t
really anything driving me to do it. I suppose if I could find a good
job.. but I know anything I want would be out of my league at this
point.
Besides the fact that I wish I could find clothes that fit properly (I have a white girl ghetto booty), and I
wish I could eat international food more often.. I really like
living in Japan. Even if I got a job back at home I would really want
one that would allow to travel back here often.

Anyways, I’m just feeling down. And the gloomy rainclouds outside my
office windows aren’t helping.

I’m so tired of being alone. Every morning I wake up alone. Every night
I go to bed alone. I can talk to a small video box on my screen for
however long I want but its not the same. And its not going to change
for another 4 months. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like things are ever
going to work out and we will be in this holding pattern forever. The
days when we actually lived close enough to see eachother every weekend
seem far and unreal, like they were just a dream. And, the time we spend
together now is so fleeting and also feels unreal. I want the real
thing. I want the coming home and having a person, and the fights and the making up,
and the little things that annoy you, and making dinner for two, and watching a movie to relax and falling asleep halfway through
and mostly not feeling so alone all the time.

Ryohei really is a great boyfriend. But its not great, because hes not
here. And no amount of talking on video chat is going to make me feel
any different. I’m pathetic..

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4 Responses to "Gloomy Thursday"

Your not pathetic Sarah… I understand exactly how you feel!! It’s normal to feel like this… don’t let it get you too down… what I always try to remember is that, its not going to last forever… one day… our ‘real’ life together will start!! Until then, we just have to make the most of a very lonely and trying time….
(by the way, I think I should take my own advice, there are so many days, I just don’t want to get out of bed, days that I just want to curl up and cry, it’s hard to stay positive!)

I’m coming to Japan on the 19th of November… i miss out on the new ‘fingerprinting’ by one day.. what a thing to have to go through… specially if you have kids. Not looking forward to it… wish there was someway we could protest!)

Just wanted to say that I too, had a long distance relationship with my hubby for a while after we were first married. It was *really* hard. And extremely lonely for me. I’m really sorry you are having to deal with that. Anyways, I’ll help keep you company the next 4 month’s or so via our blogs, he he, until you have your happy days again and live with your fiance! : )

PS, it rained over where we lived yesterday too. : (

I understand the long distance thing too! It sucks but once you are together again, everything will be fine. 🙂 No rain here, but it’ll rain on Monday and Tuesday (in Kyushu).

Tell me about the fingerprinting thing…I have PR and wonder why…

It is not easy being in a long distance relationship (Hubs lived in Chiba and I lived in Hiroshima for two years) but like the other ladies mentioned you have to remember that it isn’t going to be this way forever. It hurts, it’s hard but just like a lot of other things in life good things come to those who wait!! Chin up and take comfort in knowing that you have a lot os bloggy support!

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