Once Upon a Tanbo

*bangs head against wall*

Posted on: December 6, 2007

Sometimes I just get so tired of all this. Usually I get this feeling
about once a month (guess which part.) Anyways I am so irritable and
cranky and just not my usual cheerful self.

And I just hit it last night/this morning.

Ryohei and I actually managed to have a “fight” on my lunch break. I
quote it because it wasn’t really a fight as much as he said something
in a way that I took to be a little bit rude. But then again, knowing
his situation I probably shouldn’t have gone on like I did.

Its been a tense week. Ryohei has been trying to quit since Monday of
last week but his stupid boss has been giving him the run around. He
wrote his resignation letter last Sunday and met with the boss last
Weds. The boss told him that he wouldn’t allow him to quit unless he
thought of the risks more and said they would meet again the next Monday
(this week) to talk.

Ok first of all.. WTF. Being told I’m not allowing you to quit.. is that
even possible?? To me its ridiculous. And me being the ever supportive
girlfriend told him that he should have just shoved the fricken letter
on his desk and left the room. Of course, to a Japanese person that
would probably be the equivilent of commiting harakiri. So Ryohei
agonized the whole weekend to think of “risks.” He talked with me, his
parents, friends ranging from pre-school to university and on Monday he
told me he had a lot of courage and was ready to quit. However Boss-san
tells him he can’t meet Monday, how about Tuesday. Ok.. fine, Boss-san
is probably busy right? Whatever.. Ryoheis a little discouraged but its
ok. Tuesday rolls around.. opps!! Boss-san is busy again!!! How about
Weds night for the meeting. Ryohei is like ok.. but sure ok, its
boss-san I must respect his wishes. I get an email at 9pm last night
saying that once again boss-san has postponed their meeting.. surprise

So now they have an other one scheduled for tonight. Ryohei told me, if
he cancels again tonight I’m just handing my resignation into personal.
And im like WTF?!!?!? Why didn’t you just do that from the beginning?!
OMG.. but no no.. he wants to meet with Boss-san and leave the company
respectfully even though they have done nothing good for him and called
him worthless and told him that he can’t do his job properly.

So.. yah. I’m not sure what the hell Boss-san is trying to pull!? Is
this a weakening tactic?? Like get them all fired them up over the
weekend and then slowly chip away and that zeal with every postponement,
Maybe other employees would crack and stay but I doubt they have a loud
American fiancee as back up support. None the less.. jeez. He better
fricken hand in that resignation today. But then again when I talked to
him and was like so you are handing it in today?? He was like.. we’ll if
I hand it into personnel I’ll do it tomorrow morning. *sigh* I hate hate
hate his wishywashyness. And this isn’t even what we fought about.

So.. when he first started working, Ryohei had no vacation days..
(apparently) and he just got some this month.. or something. I know as a
first year employee they are supposed to work even at the door of death
far less take a vacation. So… he is working all the way until the
28th. And then we leave for Niigata on the 29th. Thus moving, selling
his stuff etc.. all has to take place between these times. Not only that
but changing his registeration only on a weekday. His contrancted work
ends on the 21st.

Our talk during lunch. (extract)

Me: “why don’t you use your vacation days from the 25th through the 28th
so that you have plenty of time to move, change your registration, quit
your cable etc.

Him: “…..” and then “No I don’t think so”

Me: . “why?!!?”

Him: “its rude to the company to that, they might not like it espicially
since i am leaving”

Me: “But what about just taking a day off then so that you can go to the
ward office and take yourself off the residents list?”

Him “Until I am done working at this company can you leave the decisions
regarding work to me.”

Me: “……..”(feeling hurt by the tone he said it in)

Him: “hello? hello?”

Me: “…….” (now feeling offended as well since I had just been trying
to help”

Him: (starting to explain himself) “You see, I decided to start this job
before I met you, and well obviously it wasn’ suited to me, but since I
started it I want to finish it properly. I know your culture is
different so I don’t know if you can understand this but I’m already
stressed enough so its about my work, from now on just don’t say

Me: “fine… “

Him: “are you mad?” (.. hmmm yah think?)

Me: “yes a little.. but more about how you said it, and also because i
don’t like being told what and what not i can talk about”

Him: “im sorry. you know that from January Im going to work hard on
studying and pass the test, but this is my personal thing i want to take
care of.”

Me: “how would you feel if I kept a part of my life seperate from you..
i bet you would be sad or angry too.”

Him: “yes i would”

Me: “……” “anyways i have to go back to work now”

Him: “ok..”

phone calls ends

He then writes me an email apologizing.. but yah.. i know part of me
shouldnt feel hurt or upset. Infact just typing out the conversation I
know that I should just let him make his own decision. Its just.. when
you are signing on with someone for life, to have them tell you theres a
part of their life where they don’t want your input hurts. Even though
I’m sure there are parts of my life I don’t want him to, its just
something you don’t say, and defintely don’t want to hear. He has a
nomikai tonight and pretty much all day sat and im spending the night at
a friends tommorrow. So we probably won’t get the chance to talk until

So yah..
Only 3 weeks left til this is all over.
I have been ready since last April.


4 Responses to "*bangs head against wall*"

Oh yes the politics of a Japanese company!!! I understand how you feel…

I think we all understand how you feel. Why is it that Japanese companies feel they can control the lives of their workers? And more so, why do Japanese people have such loyalty to their work? It’s an endless problem for Naoki and I… sometimes it gets too much and I want to quit, and go home, but then I realise that by doing that, I will lose him, and I can’t live without him… so I rant and rave, and hope that one day I will get used to it!

PS – I would love to watch those American tv programs. Can you tell me where to find them?

PSS – Having play dates with you and lulu’s kids in the future sounds fantastic!

Good lord. It wasn’t an isolated, totally WTF moment in MY life?

Yes, my husband’s boss reacted the EXACT same way to my husband trying to resign. It took–MONTHS.

And my husband reacts the same way about “input” or “advice” regarding his “work”. And we dated for ten years before marriage and have now been married for a decade.

Ah. I have learned that it is incredibily valuable for him to be able to tell me about his work (okay, complain about would be a better choice of words) but, and this is torture for me, I am not supposed to comment (unless it is to agree with his viewpoint/take on things) and I am just supposed to listen. This makes him incredibly happy. Then I can bark at him like a harpy about some other aspect of our life style.


There are certain things that Yoshi and I will not discuss. Ever. They inevitably lead to a fight. So, because discussing these things is not really essential to our mental health, we don’t talk about them.

And yes, his work is one of them. And the imperial family is the other.

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