Once Upon a Tanbo

One week at a time

Posted on: July 25, 2008

(Warning – Rant-y post)

Once again another long week is coming to an end. Its really true that time flies when you are having fun, and drips as slow as molasses when you aren’t.

I would have to say that this has been one of the slowest months I can remember in a long time. And there is still one week left to go. Its Friday and I would be more excited about it being the weekend, except we have a delegation of people coming in from Australia and I have to be present as M.C. for most of their activities and this includes all day Sunday. We also have more activities on Monday (which means I can’t take a day off which I would have been tempted to do otherwise), so effectively I’m only getting a 1 day weekend. I just want to get away from work for a while forever. I just feel so… trapped. If I can help it, I will never ever be working full-time ever again.

Also, still waiting for the publishing company to get back to me. I was told the turnaround time was 2 weeks or so from submission and we just hit the 2 week mark today. Until now, I haven’t been expect anything to come so I didn’t really fell nervous but now I know that my results could be coming in any day so I just get nervous every time I open my email.

I’m feeling torn… part of me really really wants to find out ASAP (and pass) because it would mean so many awesome things like being able to work on really cool products in an industry I’ve always wanted to be a part of. At the same time, I’m almost afraid to get that mail because there is a chance I could fail… and then I think I would feel really crushed and depressed, and I could see it just not making current situations better.

It’s funny how people work. Sometimes I wish that I hadn’t found THE THING I wanted to do. Because once you’ve found that dream it’s so hard to settle for anything less. It reminds me of a situation that was brought up in “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho which is an absolutely brilliant and inspirational book and if you haven’t read it I suggest you do.

Having found what I want to do, having to stay stagnant in this position has been honestly killing my spirit. It’s been 2 months now since my perspective on life and what I wanted to do started to change and I’m still not much closer than when I started. I realize for some people it takes years to accomplish their goals, but what I want to do is something that is in my grasp and I am more than capable of it even right now. The reason I still get up and go to work every day is to support my family since I’m the only one who is making any money. Sometimes I feel so resentful that Ryohei is just sitting at home all day long (and has been for the past 3 weeks.) I hate to say it… if he doesn’t pass and I have to stay here for a whole other year I just don’t know how I’m going to cope.

I know pretty much everything I’ve written lately has just been a complaint… but really I think I’m trying hard not to let it show (IRL). Honestly this blog is the only real outlet that I have. I can’t tell other people here about it because obviously I don’t want rumors starting before I decided to leave or not, and Ryohei just gets sick of it cause he says theres nothing we can do except wait and that I shouldn’t get so worked up about things that can’t be solved.

On a side note I may have to credit some of this general crappiness to coming off oral contraceptives. I just went off them last week, so my body is a fun cocktail of unbalanced estrogen etc. Haven’t had too much of a hard time besides a splitting headache the first day and “over-whelming” emotions. Its so weird… I didn’t realize how powerful hormones are. Before taking the pill I used to cry and get really upset a certain time each and every month. Since taking them it had completely disappeared, I don’t think I cried or got super emotional at all while I was on them. It really must be caused by the hormones… and now they will be COMING BACK (with avengence?).

Interestingly enough, I didn’t notice this fact until yesterday, but apparently Ryohei said he had noticed almost the first month after I started taking them. He asked me to please start taking them again once we finish having all our children… hmm… am I really that bad??

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7 Responses to "One week at a time"

I know it sounds like a cliche but “hang in there”

I do hope everything falls into place soon- waiting is a killer, not matter what it is you are waiting for.

I got your facebook message and email from my site just now and will get back to you over the weekend I promise- I am just ready to go to sleep now though! By the way, the wedding is May 9 2009 but I will tell you more in the message!!!

I hope you hear back soon about your “dream job” it is very exciting! I am having job horrors at the moment but will tell you all about it later I am sure. Add me to your skype- it is under the email laura.rafter (at) gmail.com

Also, going off birth control- does that mean you are starting to try for babies now? Really? How excitiing! Next time I see you you could be pregnant! I have been on the pill since 15 and by the time I go off it I will probably be almost 25- I am going to be SCARY I am sure! Bit of a shock to Shun probably since I have been on it for the whole time he has know me!

I will add you on skype and I look forward to your message!

Ahh.. maybe I should have clarified this!
Nope we’re not trying yet!! We aren’t planning to until the end of this year/beginning of the new year (if everything goes well)

I’m just going off to get ready for that, and… I’ve kind of been feeling a little “off” lately so I’m giving my body a break from hormones to see if that is the cause.

I really hope that things start to look up for you soon Sara. I can just feel what you are going through reading your posts. Actually yesterday I was thinking about sending you a ‘care package’, hoping that it might cheer you up, until I realised I didn’t have your address… oopps!

On another note, your pill must be a lot stronger than mine, because I went off the pill for 3 months this year and didn’t notice a thing… I’m going to ask the doctor back in Australia when would be a good time to go off the pill before trying for a baby. I have been on the pill since I was 14 years old, and it just felt so odd not taking it everyday… lol!

And remember, if you ever need to talk, please contact me – anytime.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. I’m sure it’s because you’re ready to move onto the next phase of your life and at the moment, it’s not moving fast enough for you. But it will. Just hang in there for a bit longer. You’ll hear back from your dream job (would love to hear more about it when you can write about it!) and Ryohei will hear about the results of his exams. Whatever the result, you’ll both be able to make plans for where you’re going to live, work, whatever. You WILL get out of the rut, I promise! 🙂

If you ever want to talk, give me a call on my cell…if you need the number again, email me at my address or through facebook, OK?

((Hugs)).It is horrible when things go so slowly and all you want is a change.Don’t beat yourself up about this all…you and your DH have had a very tough few months and it must be so so frustrating not knowing what the immeadiate future holds for you .And on top of that,your hormones are off in all directions and it is bloody HOT!Give yourself a luxury or two,be it a really nice meal out with lots of good wine or beer or whatever you fancy,a facial or just a visit to a nice onsen.To hell with the money,you need and deserve a bit of pampering:)

Nay – Haha… I guess I’m happy I’m able to express how frustrated I feel for writing. But it is a good vent as I’m sure you know! You’ll be going off your pills in a few months too right, I’m sure it will be fine!! Thanks for all your support I really appreciate it!! I keep meaning to write you. I will try and do it soon!

Kuri – Bam! I think you pretty much explained everything that I’m feeling/and why I’m feeling it perfectly. Thank you for that. Actually I do want to talk to you about how things are going with the “budding” career lol. I’m just trying to wait and see where things go… I really would like to talk with you! Also… I believe DH and I MAY have a Kyushu trip in the works so if possible it would be lovely to meet up face to face and have a real chat! I think I have your number, I really need to give you a call.. I think I’m (unconciously) putting so many things off until I know either way if I’ve got the big project I’ve applied for or not.

Marianne – Hehe! Thanks… I’m actually considering a nice massage.. it would be so nice to have a day of este! Just wish I had some girl friends to go with! Thanks for the encouragement!!

Just a few more weeeeeeeks!!
Oh and.. the hormones seem to be getting a bit better… I think I may be going back on schedule already…

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