Once Upon a Tanbo

Sigh

Posted on: September 16, 2008

Ok one last post for the night.

Theres been talking, a lot of talking.
The ridiculous we should split up talking… has thankfully ceased.

In any case.. I guess this is happening. I’m taking things for 2-3 years then reassessing. At least thats what I’ve been promised.

Ryohei is super happy… I’m so-so… I guess.

So thats what is happening for now.
I don’t want to think of the future anymore because it will make me too depressed.
So for the meanwhile I’m just thinking of the next 2-3 years.

I will be making LOTS of visits to see people…

I’m so tired and trying not to worry about everything.
I think I’m too exhausted to put up that much more of a fight. At least we’ll be in Nagaoka.
Theres a Starbucks there so I can drink my troubles away with expensive coffee beverages.

Oyasumi

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22 Responses to "Sigh"

I am SO relieved for you both.2-3 years and then an assesment sounds really sensibleand a very good compromise.

And hey girl,are you saying that you will have a Starbucks nearby?!That’s not inaka!! Our nearest is 3hours away…lol!

Oh Sara, I am too so relieved for the both of you. I know you don’t particularly want to move to Niigata, but at least this way, you have a time frame. So you don’t need to focus on the future right now. Just focus on the next couple of years and see how it goes. Trust me, that is what I am doing!

And guess where Naoki went to University? Yep, thats right, Nagaoka. So he has friends still in Nagaoka, and also, it’s not that far from Shizuoka. We would love to come and visit you when you get settled in.

When do you think you guys will be moving?

On the topic of Starbucks… mine’s in the next city over, 1 hour away!

Oh Sara, we have both been worrying about the both of you all last night, and I’m so relieved that you guys could find the best way to handle this situation together.

By the way, the option of coming to stay is still open. Our new apartment is starting to feel like home now *typing from new apartment right now* Although our fridge and washing machine doesn’t come until Friday so it’s not much of a home yet!

Ok – I’m finally feeling 心丈夫 enough to comment back…

Marianne – Yes, I have to admit I feel like I’m getting a raw end of the deal.. but if I look at it in the light of not deciding where I will be living and what I will be doing for THE REST OF MY LIFE, I feel quite a bit better. The Starbucks in a nice perk… but this town is actually not where DH will be working. The “real” town is about 45 minutes a way and he’s going to be commuting. Think of it as my inaka-training wheels since I’ve never lived in a city smaller than a million people and the one we’ll be moving to has about 200,000. The town that he has been employed by has about a tenth of that… thus I need my training wheels or I probably will go into huge culture shock.

Nay – Thatnks for the encouragement! Yes I remember you saying that Naoki went to University in Nagaoka! He’ll have to give me some good recommendations for places to eat/visit etc. We will probably be moving up around the beginning of spring so… maybe mid-March or so. I’m trying to be calm and just take things a couple years at a time. Its frustrating because now that I’ve agreed to this Ryohei is running around like an excitable puppy.. and I’m still somewhat… ビミョウ about the whole thing.

I did send you an email!! Please write me back when you have the time! Thanks for worrying about me. Hope you’ll post up some pics of your new stuff when it arrives

So glad to hear you’ve sorted something out- even if it isn’t perfect!

I was so worried about you I’m logging in from work. ^_^v

I got my (first and only) license here in Japan and it was actually fun going to driving school (but then I’m a nerd) 😉 I haven’t taken JLPT but I’d guess I’m around nikyu so I don’t think you’d have any problem. Just the 300,000 gulp!

Are you a member of AFWJ? It’s a great network of people for us country bumpkins.

And like Sara Yoshihara said on MIJ- recently some pretty interesting people are doing the i-turn thing so you may be ale to have conversations that don’t concern weather, rice, weather, wheat, weather… etc occasionally! 😉

You must be emotionally exhausted after all this- sending you massive cyber chocolate and overpriced coffee!

And big inaka houses mean you can have people to stay no problems. hint hint.. 😉

I think you’re doing the right thing Sara! The rest of your life is just too much to contemplate, and I think saying “ok, I’ll do 2-3 years and then we’ll reasses” is a good compromise. We really don’t ever know what the future will bring, so try to stay optimistic. Know that you’re a great wife and Ryohei will forever appreciate the sacrifice you’re making for him.

And wait a sec … your inaka has starbucks?? *jealousy* Girlfriend, when I go to the countryside its instant Nescafe for me … IF i can find that! So nasty. Kunming, a city of 5 million, hasn’t even got its first Starbucks yet! You guys are spoiled in Japan, its like, civilized! 😛

By the way, if you plan on doing a lot of traveling, you’re always welcome in Beijing! Or Kunming, or wherever we are in China. 🙂

Sarah,

I am the Tohoku Representative for AFWJ, so if you want any info on AFWJ in Tohoku (think Niigata) just ask away! I loved AFWJ when I was in the big city but now that I am in the inaka feel it is quite a necessity!

Starbucks–there is very strong universal significance in having one nearby. I saw T.V. footage of snow covering the ROOFS of houses here where we live just before we moved up here: discovering a local Starbucks helped me start breathing again.

2-3 years sounds like a reasonable agreement. I married my husband on his promise that “I would never have to live in Japan.” But now? Well, been living here for over 8 years and when friends back home ask me if I don’t really want to move back to the U.S.. . . I surprise even myself by saying, “actually, no. I like it here.”

Laura

thefukases – Oh my gosh! Sorry to make you check on me from work… now that I’m over my *cue music* FREAKOUT~♪ I’m feeling quite a bit better! So we’ll be in neighboring prefectures now… howdy! :O Whenever Ryohei starts talking about his dream of building his house in the country… the music starts to rise again… Dear lord I am a wuss… But yah 😀 I LOVED Nagano when I visited way back when… maybe we will have to road trip it after we get settled in 🙂

Jess – Hahaha… actually the Starbucks is about the only western thing they have… I guess I just need some sort of crutch that isn’t (gag me… McDonalds) all the time. We will be living about an hour or so away from an Int’l airport so short trips to Korea, China etc aren’t an impossiblity. In fact I’d loooove to see another Asian country besides Japan considering I’ve been here about 4 years now and never ventured any further east.

Laura – Yes, I believe I will be signing up soon. I actually have the 振込み sheet from a while ago but I never got around to sending it in. Its funny how reassuring the “starbucks” is… Ok I am kind of a caffeine addict to start with.. but I think its just the atmosphere and occasionally the seasonal (winter coffees) which I am addicted to. 2-3 years… I’m going to be good for then… I guess you’d be a good inaka living sempai… I may have questions.. in particular regarding to bring up kids there… oh yes.. Ryohei is enthusiased to start breeding now that he has his job… We’ll see.. I may need to get my land legs first

Hi Sara, I’ve been lurking about your blog for a could of days now and have been checking your blog everday to make sure you’re doing ok. Thinking about the future is really mind-boggling, especially for me. I can really only handle planning a year in advance – I’m so afraid of what might happen to change the plans! I have great respect for you and your decision! I’d be happy to send you some interesting stuff from here (here being New Zealand)to cheer you up if you want! Keep your chin up!

Yay for the talking and compromising! It`s great to know that R supports you traveling to Tokyo monthly. It shows he is trying to make it easier for you and that matters. Starbucks?! The comfort coffee shop of many foreign wives! 🙂

I do know a little bit of what you must be feeling. In my first year of marriage we were transferred to Shimokoshiki-jima. Have you heard of it? Most Japanese people haven`t either! There I was newly married with a little baby and we were going to some Fishing village on an ISLAND in the sticks. I was horrified! Anyhoo, we made it through and, in hindsight, it actually was a very good thing for my family. I guess I`m just saying, you never know what blessings might come out of this move! Good luck and keep us all posted.

Jess – Oh my gosh… you picked quite a time to discover my blog. lol. The future is really difficult as I’ve now promptly discovered. I am glad that you commented though! I love knowing that people keep reading this… slightly insane ramblings! Oh! Kiwi stuff 😀 Haha… I may need to take a rain check for when I end up in the.. somewhat.. middle of nowhere. Please come back and visit me at my blog! I’ll make sure to do the same.

Tigermama – Wow you poor thing. I can only imagine how scary and frustrating that would have been. I guess I have a tendancy to get ahead of myself and I am TRYING not to get too negative. Acually Ryohei was pretty amusing about “trying to buy my love” as you might say. Apparently I’m getting all the trips to Tokyo I want, a new computer, and a massage chair… hmm…. (do I think its all going to happen, no… but it would have been pretty interesting for anyone who was listening 🙂 )

Sara – looks like you have just passed “Marriage 101 – Learning how to compromise.” (lol)

But seriously, I am relieved that you sound much better in your post! So glad that you can Ryohei could work through this together (and how quick, too!! If it was me, I would sooo still be brooding about it…..) Good for you! Next step is to “live your choice” – I hope you can find a way to enjoy Niigata and make a happy home for you guys up there. It seems like you will have lots of support from other fwij, so that is a great start.

Please come and see me on one of your play-trips to Tokyo!

I was so worried about you and Ryo that I checked in at work too but couldn`t comment (I am scared the people in my government job can track me *looks sideways and back*) and was so releived that you had come to a compromise together.

From what you are saying I think R knows how hard it was for you to come to this decision so I am sure he is going to be as supportive as he can as well as the rest of us “foreign wives” and such!

My place in Tokyo/Chiba when we go back is always open! You still planning to come for the wedding too? My home in Oz is always open to you both as you know! I can not wait to visit you in Niigata also! A trip next summer is definitely in order (and again in winter for skiing!!!!) and like I said in one o my many emails of the last couple of days I can send you anything you need from Tokyo…..you might have to send me decent rice and fresh air though!!!!

Three years will go so fast and you might have a bub or two by then- how exciting! You guys will make it work, I know you will!

Love ya, talk soon

I was checking your blog until Friday when things got busy- looks like I missed alot in the past few days. I truly am sorry about that as I am perhaps the closest in distance to Nagaoka.
Nagaoka seems like a comfortable city. I work there every so often. I feel like we often drive pass Nagaoka- anyways, really it is quite close.

I lived in inaka- quite far and expensive to get to any decent sized city. This was in Akita. It sucked (sorry, no to depress you even more). BUT and big BUT- I speak minimal Japanese, I moved there when my firstborn was 4 months old so I was very isolated. Northern Akita can be very inhospitable and with very few foreigners.
In retrospect- we made a fantastic friendship with a couple in the next town and they moved even further away to Southern Akita but we still drove the couple of hours one way to visit each other and now that they are back in America we still keep in touch. I learnt a bit about gardening (nothing else to do about there). I am still not great at it but now in the city, my balcony garden is a sanctuary for me (something that came out of living in the Inaka).

I do believe things happen for a reason. You will have support when you decide to have children. I envy anyone who has inlaws around as long as they aren’t too terrible.

Niigata has always been good for me. First time and second time around. The friendships I have made here have been lasting and loving. I mentioned the price of the S-kippu before- 2000 yen roundtrip to Niigata Station from Nagaoka. Why go to starbucks when you can drop into Cafe Yamashita *lol*.

I wish I could talk to you immediatly. Sit down and have a chat- I think my inaka expreience and Niigata experience could help you deal with this hard time.

Sending you a cyber hug and looking forward to giving you a real one soon,
Lily

let me daydream for a bit:

CB is originally from Niigata…

okay, now i’ll let you imagine the rest of the story while i’m over here in my little fantasy world.

yeah, right, we’re still trying to get him to answer the phone when i finally get the courage to call! maybe i’m getting ahead of myself?? :/

on a completely different note, can i visit you once you get all settled in??! 🙂

Ahh! I’m FINALLY able to leave a comment. Blogger hasn’t liked me for the past couple of days.

I am glad that I’m able to comment on a post of you coming from somewhere better than you were the previous days. I’ve been worried and sad for you but think that you’ve made a good decision to go with it for a few years and then re-evaluate. That is definitely Marriage 101! 🙂

BTW, like coarse gold girl, I’m in AFWJ as well (I’m also the Membership Secretary and might have sent you the application form!) so if you want any information about anything, drop me a line, OK?

Thinking of you!!!!

Ahh! I’m FINALLY able to leave a comment. Blogger hasn’t liked me for the past couple of days.

I am glad that I’m able to comment on a post of you coming from somewhere better than you were the previous days. I’ve been worried and sad for you but think that you’ve made a good decision to go with it for a few years and then re-evaluate. That is definitely Marriage 101! 🙂

BTW, like coarse gold girl, I’m in AFWJ as well (I’m also the Membership Secretary and might have sent you the application form!) so if you want any information about anything, drop me a line, OK?

Thinking of you!!!!

TJ – Thanks for all your kind messages and support!! I hope to take you up on your offer of wine and cheese in the (semi) near future. I think the reason I was freaking out so much is because I was pretty much all alone the whole weekend… I tend to get a bit more sane when I have an actually living body there instead of just a phone 🙂

Lulu – I’m sorry for making you so worried about me the past couple days. YES! I am still totally planning to go to OZ for your wedding… I’ll be in Niigata at that point and probably dying to find something to do 🙂 Tokyo is only a 1.4 hour shinkansen away so as long as we have a little spare cash lying around I’ll be trying to go at least once ever 1-2 months. I guess its going to be weird not to be working really come next spring… but hopefully I’ll have more translation work pick up by then. I actually have something BIG in the works but its not for sure yet and I’ve been too stressed about other stuff so I haven’t posted. By the way, I’ll be hosting the Nagaoka fireworks this year so please come up and stay at my place so we can all go.

Lily – Hahaha… I was waiting for and hoping you’d comment. You def. will be the most close distance wise. And I hope that we will be able to meet up and chat in real life about a whole bunch of things. You probably have a lot of wonderful advice about the city and things to do. I always enjoy reading your blog because you always seem to have such a healthy outlook on things and you seem to be having a good time there. Ryohei told me he may be transferred up to Niigata City after 3 years.. but thats too far ahead to think right now. Either way.. I hope you don’t mind if I stop in to Cafe Yamashita around… April? 6 months in advance reservation is enough I hope 😉

TJ – Thanks for all your kind messages and support!! I hope to take you up on your offer of wine and cheese in the (semi) near future. I think the reason I was freaking out so much is because I was pretty much all alone the whole weekend… I tend to get a bit more sane when I have an actually living body there instead of just a phone 🙂

Lulu – I’m sorry for making you so worried about me the past couple days. YES! I am still totally planning to go to OZ for your wedding… I’ll be in Niigata at that point and probably dying to find something to do 🙂 Tokyo is only a 1.4 hour shinkansen away so as long as we have a little spare cash lying around I’ll be trying to go at least once ever 1-2 months. I guess its going to be weird not to be working really come next spring… but hopefully I’ll have more translation work pick up by then. I actually have something BIG in the works but its not for sure yet and I’ve been too stressed about other stuff so I haven’t posted. By the way, I’ll be hosting the Nagaoka fireworks this year so please come up and stay at my place so we can all go.

Lily – Hahaha… I was waiting for and hoping you’d comment. You def. will be the most close distance wise. And I hope that we will be able to meet up and chat in real life about a whole bunch of things. You probably have a lot of wonderful advice about the city and things to do. I always enjoy reading your blog because you always seem to have such a healthy outlook on things and you seem to be having a good time there. Ryohei told me he may be transferred up to Niigata City after 3 years.. but thats too far ahead to think right now. Either way.. I hope you don’t mind if I stop in to Cafe Yamashita around… April? 6 months in advance reservation is enough I hope 😉

Jo – Hehe you are too cute! If you fancy meeting other Niigata boys I know a really great one who is moving to the Kanagawa area this fall. He told me he’d love to meet a nice girl… hmm… haha no no I won’t play obachan matchmaker on you.

OF COURSE you can come… in fact PLEASE come… onegai… pretty please?

Kuri – Thank you T_T Actually… I found my slip last night and think I may need to get a new one. I want to do the latecomer special where you get the end of this year and next year for that special price? Help! (feel free to contact me off blog)

hey sara, i hope things are ok with you. *big hugs* sorry i haven’t commented sooner, i’ve been all over the place. i have no words of wisdom, just an ear to listen whenever you need to vent, laugh, cry or triumph. 😀

Hey Sara! Send me your can you send me your mailing address to membershipsecretary@afwj.org? That way I can send the information out to you and give you info about the latecomer special (second-half of 2008 and all of 2009).

Illahee – Thanks I appreciate the support! Hope things are going ok with you as well!! I’m sure you have a lot on your plate with your gorgeous yet active children!

Kuri- Ohh! I found my paperwork and the explanations so I’m turning it in tomorrow~yay! Looking forward to it!

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