Once Upon a Tanbo

Up up and away

Posted on: October 18, 2008

Having a good cry and some thoughtful reproach later, I’ve decided to get in one more post before the end of the night.

Reading my last one, I realize that perhaps it was just a little too much and that I shouldn’t be asking people’s opinions if hearing them was going to effect me so much. So, for the time being, I think I am going to refrain from that type of post and just stick to the usual random updates on life (as boring as that may be)

As usual having Ryohei here helped, he was suffering from an upset tummy all night but he still took the time to talk with me about some of the things I wrote about in the last post. I love that guy so much. He does little things that amuse me so much, for example I told him to pick us up some pudding from the store on the way home and he never emailed back. When he showed up without a bag I was a little surprised, but I soon knew what was going on. He had stuck them in his work bag, he thought he was soooo clever playing dumb, but I know how his mind works. lol Still it gave me a good chuckle.

I haven’t been having as much inaka hate lately. I guess I haven’t written much about it, but there are slowly things that I am looking forward to, and realizing that just because I live in the inaka, doesn’t mean I am alone. I have to credit my weekend with Nay for helping a lot and going to her “inaka” and seeing her and Naoki so happy. Despite just reading blogs, I feel like there is a strong and supportive network out there and that there are people I can go to, both online and in person for a variety of issues.

Ryohei and i have been looking and cars and apartments and all sorts of fun things, and I am looking forward to picking out furnature and appliances etc! I feel like I was so negative all last month, and it had so much influence over all my thinking. I’m feeling so much more postive and strong now.

Yes, there are still insecurities… things I worry about and things I fear. I think I’ve been a control freak on my life too long and I just need to let go. This will be the year when that process starts.

At least I picked the best person to do it with, if I start to fall apart I know Ryohei will be there to catch me and that makes me the luckiest girl in the world.

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9 Responses to "Up up and away"

One of the best things about being a grown-up girl is getting to furnish your living space!! I hope that you find some fabbo things for your new apartment/inaka life. I always make sure that I get something new everytime I start a new stage/experience in my life – or in the case of the xmas tree, I get a new xmas ornament/decoration every year!! (I am an xmas-aholic for shizzle) I’m sure that everything will fall into place for you guys. BTW, the kiwi goods offer is still there, so just holla when you’re ready!

Sara, I was going to post on the other post earlier but you closed the comments-

Giving advice sometimes we often run into a tight corner, the person giving it using their own experience and thoughts sometimes don’t harmonize with the person asking, and in many and most cases when writing- it can be misconstrued because we are unable to see facial expressions.

It is hard to be positive and constructive at the same time, it takes a gift to be able to do that.

I understand that some issues you are facing may be more convoluted (or complex) than what you want to share with friends, strangers, blogger friends, real friends, family, etc… they are often (these issues) more complex than they appear.

We can never know with certitude what is best for another person. There is so much that we are not aware of.

Having said that, here is what I would do, have done- I wish I would have been more prepared career wise, although living in a big city, the situation compared to that of Tokyo and Osaka look dim- and so I continue with my editing PR job which I hate because it is PT and I can barely clear that of which an Instructor makes in a year a year- so this next venture, I am REALLY looking forward to it. I’ve gained and lost money in business ventures here, lost so much one time it took a few years to breath again BUT I would not trade it in because I gained so much experience. The baby issue- we waited eight or more years waiting for my dream career to kick in, thinking and wanting complete control over my life and my goals. The baby may come next year or sooner than we planned is it out of feeling lonely, for me YES, but mostly because we want to share our lives with someone else and bring more laughter into our lives. Oh so many reason…having a baby is always selfish (I think)!

I would have probably giving the same advice as Nooh = ) even I sat and really thought about it becaseu it would be what I would do… but Sara, you have to do what makes you happy and stay true to your feelings, even all the friends here love and only wish the best for you. I know I always over stop boundaries when giving advice to friends but it is because I only love and care for them = )

Have a fab, fab weekend Sara. P.S. Feel free to call me anytime..

Oh my Sara.. I accidentally sent that unedited I thought I pasted in my edited version..ah.. oh well, it was pretty much what I wanted to say.. “giggles”

You & Ryohei are heading into the next stage of your lives and it is so exciting. It will be your first place that you choose together!!!

You need to remember to stay true to yourself Sarah, as does Ryohei. You will both need to make decisions both easy and hard through your lives but you will have each other there to help you make them and you both need to do what is best for both of you. Not what is best for others.

It is always nice to ask for advice, opionions etc as it gives you food for thought but ultimately any choice in life you make is something you, and only you, can make. (& Ryohei too of course!)

Best of luck with this new stage. As for finishing work early, I would leave but that is MY opinion. I know you and Ryohei & you both do better together. Even if you have to live with his family for awhile (I have done it- It is not THAT BAD!)

Talk soon

hi!

i didn’t leave any comment on the previous post because i didn’t feel comfortable doing so. in the end it truly is up to you. it really sounds like ‘six one way, half dozen the other’ and i really wouldn’t know which way to go! personally i would do the work, not because it’s too early for a baby, but because i think i (well, you) would need the work experience for the future; but living apart from my husband would be a difficult choice to make (and might have to make it in the future *sigh*).

anyway, both ways sound fine to me, so i wish you the best!

Hi Sara … I hope you’re feeling a bit less shaken up now. The others are right about advice. I think its fine to ask and its fine to give, you just have to remember to take what’s said with a grain of salt. We mostly give advice based on our own experiences, which may or may not be relevant to you. If it turns out to be advice you don’t agree with that’s ok, remember it is always given with good intentions. 🙂

I think that your decision about work will probably fall into place over the next few months. Something will probably happen — a translation job, getting pregnant, or getting pregnant right away, whatever — which will tip the scales for you in either direction. For the time being if I were you I’d just ride it out and try not to feel like you have to make the decision right now (do you? how much notice are you supposed to give?) and take things as they come, if that makes sense? Since there are still a few “unknown” factors that might end up making a difference I’d wait on those factors for at least a couple more months. 🙂

All that all said, I’m glad you’re more positive about the inaka. I’ve read some of the inaka blogs on your blogroll and I’ve gotta say, there seems to be a lot of positives, not the least of which are the great people in the same boat as you. It sounds like you and Ryohei are in a pretty good place right now and I’m happy for you!

Hi, I recently started reading your blog and here is my advice for what it is worth. You are still very young and yes, it can be nice to have kids at a young age, having a solid career is also important, especially in the long run.

You have the opportunity now to work on your job. Investing in that now may give you more options later when your relationship might not be in the honeymoon stage anymore. I am not trying to be pessimestic, just realistic. Also, it is much harder to invest in a job/career once kids come into the picture.

As you mentioned, you don’t blog about all the details of your life here and understandly so, but my advice would be to hold off on having kids and to not have them too early and for the wrong reason. There will be a time when it is right. Having a child to fill a void in life or because your friends have children is not the right reason. I don’t think this is the case for you, but it is something to think about.

Have some time as a couple when you move to the new location to get used to the new place, lifestyle, and changes. See how happy you are there first. Children are a joy and open many doors, but some doors are closed as well.

Good luck in your decision. It all works out in the end.

Ok.. I am just running out there door, and to be honest its a little hard for me to think of replies for everyone who commented… BUT I do appreciate everyones advice.

Anyways I have a lot to think about of course… and this isn’t something I talk about in real life a lot (except to very close friends) so… yah.

I will have to touch upon the “career” thing for a moment though. There really will be no “career” waiting for me in Niigata. There are not a lot of options, AND after the last three years I am ready for a break anyways. I do plan to send out my translation resume – but not in full force for a couple years. Money isn’t too much of an issue – and nothing doing English teaching 2-3 times a week wouldn’t fix. I just prefer translation as another option. If we were staying in Kobe/Osaka or moving to the Tokyo area it would have been a very different story as there may have been several different roads I would have been willing to pursue.

Ok – enough of that, off to a birthday party!

Sara, just wanted to say hi! What a hard decision for you, again!!

When the time comes to give the “final answer”, I am sure that you will make the decision that is best for you and Ryohei.

My only advice (which is given a lot easier than actually taking it myself, lol) would be to try to focus on the “what is” rather than the “what ifs” when decision time comes. You can’t second-guess what *might* happen. Then, I hope you can live your decision without regrets (which, they way it is written there almost sounds like I am being pessimistic or sarcastic, but I am actually trying to encourage you, trying to say that when you make the choice, then it is time to look ahead and “ganbare”, and enjoy your new exciting life!)

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