Posted February 12, 2009on:
Bear with me today folks, I think this entry may be all over the place. This week has been sort of emotionally draining and I’ve found the waterworks coming on a few times for random reasons, and most likely thanks to an abundance of fun hormones.
So first… the car drama… I may have mentioned it before but we are getting a car since Ryohei will be commuting to work. There has been a lot of talk and debate over the car – what type to get, how used or new do we want the car etc. Obviously budget wise we can’t really afford a brand new car with all the latest stuff. I – the much more financially conservative one in the relationship was perfectly happy with a 2-3 years old K-car to get us started for the first couple years since we will have a new baby and a new apartment and new appliances to take care of as well.
Ryohei has had it in his head that he wants a certain kind of car – a flashy Toyota. Plus he wants it to have car navigation and an ETC (high speed roads pass) both of which I was fine with. Anyways… a while ago he decided a K-car was out of the question for sure and that he HAD to have his Toyota. So… we researched some used ones but nothing was turning up, and when finally there was a possibility we couldn’t buy it because of some issues with us not having a parking space here in Kobe. A huge mess really. So Ryohei called his parents to tell them and was told that his grandma offered to buy us a brand new car of his choosing.
Now that’s a lot of money and to me, a very very very extravagant gift. Ryohei was soooo excited, but honestly it just made me feel very uncomfortable. In my family an extravagant gift is maybe a check for 100 bucks… the thought of receiving a car worth about 3-4 months salary… I just couldn’t get excited about it. I know that Ryohei is his grandma’s favorite and I’m sure a lot of this is spurred on by the fact that they will be getting their first grandchild/great-grandchild but I guess it just makes me feel incredibly obligated to people that I’ve only meet less than a handful of times.
Also – it sort of pisses me off that once again Ryohei gets something without really “working” for it. I feel that our relationship is so lopsided at this point. What with moving for his job to a place I really don’t want to go and living and raising our kids in a country I’m not sure that I want to live in forever… its just him getting his car wish is like the cherry on top of the disgruntled sundae. Of course I’m happy we will have a nice and safe car… sure… but I feel like I have no input at all about my life and its direction. I feel like I do stuff for “us” and for “the future” but when he does things it usually seems to benefit him the most and he’s never really had to “go it alone.” He’s always had family or me to look after him and pay his way.
Not that he is a spoiled brat… just I really want to pressure off for a while. The longer I am into my pregnancy the less appealing sticking at my job until May seems. I threw up again today at work and I seem to never be sick anymore when I am home or relaxing. But since I am the one with a higher paying job and better saving skills I feel like the extra money I can make by sticking it out will be helpful. Some days are better than others…
On a happier note, we had a nice day yesterday and went out to a park that has plum blossoms blooming. Its been warming up lately and the colorful white, pink, and purple flowers gave me hope that spring really is approaching. It was nice to get out and just relax and walk around. (although I’ve obviously gained some weight because walking around for just a couple hours gave me horribly sore feet)
Regarding the jellybean… I think I am occasionally feeling movement but nothing really “Eureka!” yet. It could just be wind. I’m not feeling entirely positive about the whole thing either. Yes I know I wanted a baby but now that he/she is on the horizon its very scary. I think the whole gravity of the situation hasn’t hit yet. I’m just randomly getting a big tummy and accumulating baby stuff as a new hobby. Maybe when we know what it is and theres a little more identity to the baby as opposed to occasional lava lamp tummy I will get more excited about the whole thing. I’m sure I can’t be the only one who felt this way during a pregnancy.
That’s all for now I guess… thanks for sticking around to read the whole thing if you did.
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