Once Upon a Tanbo

Archive for April 2009

Wow… I’m glad I’ve been taking belly pics since it seems like this is the month I really popped.

And it may look “small” “compact” and “cute” but its a hell of a b**** to sleep on/clean with/walk up stairs…

How many weeks left again ;P

28 + 2 Weeks

In other news this is the last day of the MONTH FROM HELL!!!! Of course May 1 is a special bonus day… but thats it!! I am surprised I survived all the crappy downs this month and now it will soon all be over.

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Don’t worry the exsasperation of the title isn’t focused on Ryohei this time… but the wonderfull bee that decided to pay a visit to me in the 30 seconds I had the balcony door open without the screen to put out the laundry!?! Seriously WTF?!!? As seen back in early October I had another close encounter with the bug world when a wasp flew into my (4th floor) apartment uninvited and prompted me to leave for about 4 hours… and when I (and Ryohei) got back with our bottle of BUG KILL it had decided to excuse itself and go on home.. or at least I think it did because I never found any traces of it despite being terrified to try on a bunch of my winter jackets thinking it and its spwan had taken residence in them.

Anyways… I enjoyed all winter long knowing that all the little creepy crawlies and bugs were either dead or staying the hell away from my apartment. I was HOPING I would be able to move out without another incident but alas… my optimism failed me. So yes – all I was doing was getting the laundry up on our rack when a bee flew in and decided to land on the inside of my screen door. Of course panic ensued and I shut the glass of the balcony door trapping the bee inside as I RAN to get the BUG KILL which had not been used forever might I add… I very clumsily attempted to spray within the crack but too no avail.. and the bee buzzed its little heart out going the EXACT opposite way that it could have gotten out.

(sigh)

Anyways eventually I think it managed to fly out.. I tested this theory by shaking the screen door violently and when no bee buzz could be heard I finally breathed a sigh of relief… but oh the bug paranoia has set in. My balcony door is closed… no spring breeze for me… even with the “protection” of the screen. My side window is closed. My bathroom window is closed.

I can NOT deal with anymore bug attacks until Saturday when I have a man to deal with them. (note – non bitey, stingy bugs are fine…) But seeing I either get mukade, wasps, or bees I am not taking my chances with anything else.

In other news, I’m not the buring rage ball at Ryohei I was Sunday night. We didn’t talk for two nights which probably helped. And now I feel better and am once again looking forward to seeing him on Saturday. He even told me he is going to leave at midnight Friday night so he can get here early on Saturday morning – yay! So yah, I am in a better place than the weekend… probably helps I’m not at work, but lounging on my couch in my pajamas wondering when to make my yummy hiyashi chuuka (cold chinese noodles) which are ready and waiting in the fridge.

Summer food is great.. summer bugs are not…

I think this is going to be a long post. Bare with me guys… I have a lot
to write about… Firstly thanks to all of you who commented or talked to
me "offline" regarding my Friday night post/whine. While things haven't
exactly gotten better since that point – it was nice to know that I
didn't have half the internets thinking I was a crazy lady. I wanted to
write back individual comments, but I couldn't really find the words to
say, but I just wanted to express my gratitude to you all. Its so nice
to not feel completely alone… which I think is probably what I have been
feeling the most.

So Nay came for the weekend! Poor thing! She was coming down with a cold
the whole time, so I felt really bad… but I think we managed to have a
good weekend!! The weather was not very conductive to anything fun, so
we spent most of Saturday indoors and then went to the "picnic" on
Sunday… although it was less a picnic in the park and more a "picnic" on
hard concrete in the wind in rain near a building which was near another
building which had a Starbucks.. and we one thing led to another and
Starbucks was overrun by about 12-13 foreign women, a gaggle of their
children, and a few (shellshocked?) husbands who huddled together for
dear life in the see of laughing, incessant English speaking, and
occasional tears.

It was really fun though and probably the last chance for me to see
quite a few of my Kansai friends for a while. Although I have plans to
see a couple special friends one more time before I leave for good next
week.

It was good to see Nay as well. It was our first time to meet up without
any of the menfolk present and it was sort of like "high school
sleepover" atmosphere. We shared some nice gossip, cooked sushi,
chatted… all very fun and a great way to spend an otherwise rainy and
windy(!) weekend. Thanks for coming Nay and enjoy your much deserved
trip back home later this week!!

I wish I could leave this post on that happy note – but I had a few more
"fun episodes" last night after I was left alone again. Obviously the
distance and whatever else is getting to both Ryohei and I… The more it
comes closer to me having to move, the more I am NOT looking forward to it.

Him: You got another package in the mail today. (From Lulu – thanks so
much!) Why didn't you tell me it was coming my parents were "surprised."
(What the hell is so surprising about a package coming?!)

Me: I told you about that last week. I didn't think it was supposed to
arrive for another couple days.

Him: Why didn't you send me a mail on my phone? I thought I told you to
do that.

Me: I was planning to… but I've been busy this weekend, and like I said
I didn't think it was supposed to have it come until later on this week.

Him: Can you stop having things sent here? We are running out of room…
you better put away all that baby stuff when you get here.

Me: *hurt begins* I AM going to do it. Did you stop to think that its
not just you moving back but me and your daughter as well?

Him: Yah – but my family is complaining we are running out of room.
Where are you going to put everything?

Me: *hurt continues – pregnant lady hormones raising – tear ducts
preparing* I don't know!?

Him: …

Me: *sniffle sniffle* …

Me: I don't wanna go there then…

Him: …

Him: You know I hope you hurry up and come here because I'm getting sick
of this. When we talk on Skype every night I can't get anything done.
*pulls out book and starts reading*

Me: Fine. Then feel free not to talk to me tomorrow night or Tuesday
night or for the whole rest of the week.

Him: And you're ok with that?

Me: I'll hate you.

Him: *Ryohei equivalent of rolling eyes*

Me: *angry tears/sad tears/frustration*

So yah… eventually we got to the point where we sort of made up… but
obviously the heart is not growing fonder with distance. So at this
point I don't want to move to Niigata where there is "not enough room"
for either BG or me apparently. And to be honest I'm not really looking
forward to seeing Ryohei because he's such a big grump and always
telling me how I am nagging at him and his parents are nagging at him. Yay…

So yah… this is going to get better right? Or am I just signing up for a
world of pain.
This has been the crappiest month ever… and I hope its not a prelude to
crappy life.

  • In: pregnancy | rant
  • Comments Off on The Darkest Hour is Just Before Dawn

I am freaking out… not in the running around tearing things off the walls and boiling bunnies in big pots of water a la Fatal Attraction.

But I am feeling very very emotionally unstable right now. Maybe because its 1am.. and I can’t sleep, maybe because my husband decided that watching videos online was more interesting than talking to me, maybe because a 1 kilo baby has somehow managed to squish my bladder and ribs at the same time.

Right now everything is not ok.

I am not an irritable or cranky person – but I sure am right now. As I sit here typing this in the dark sending out angry energy to whatever is around.. (nothing – since of course I’m alone —– wooo hoooo)

Maybe when I wake up this blog will be the only remnant of these out of character yet very real feelings.

I had a crap day today… when I came home I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to run away but crawl into bed and just stay there.

But even my bed has turned agaisnt me now as finding a comfortable position seems to get harder and harder and my mind flays endlessly as a million thoughts about moving, becoming a mother, and leaving all the familiarity of the place I’ve lived the last 3 years flood my mind like a broken kolidescope.

I want to cry since that will help but I’m too frustrated to get the tears to come out. Theres nothing to be done, nothing to talk about… and no one around at this hour to talk to anyways.

This is all really getting to me right now – the stress, the worry, the feeling that all at once everything I’ve known is getting flipped on its head. Not just having a baby although the fear and terror of the unknown is starting to get to me… but seeing Ryohei again.. as its been almost a month now and obviously he’s handling things a lot better than me. And why shouldn’t he be… he’s been enjoying himself so it seems and despite how much he dislikes them, mommy and daddy are there to cook and clean and look after him.

Apparently he doesnt want to “move out” when its cold and snowy and wait until next Spring… which is absolutely not what I want to do. I’d prefer not to live a year with my in-laws esp. trying to raise our daughter bilingually.. but of course thats not a concern to him – since heck he’ll be able to communicate with her since she’s gonna be living and breathing Japanese all frickin day long.

This isn’t me.. well not 100%.. I’m sure some of this has to be hormonal or otherwise.. but that doesn’t make it feel anyless painful and lonely.

Testing!

Posted on: April 24, 2009

Apparently I can make posts by email now… wish they would have made
this feature BEFORE I was quitting work and couldnt access blogger. Oh
well – I may find it useful for things like blogging updates when I am
places without my friendly pasocon like.. oh the birthing hospital.
Apparently I can email pictures in as well? We shall see!

I am feeling very very stressed out at the moment. Spent half an
afternoon trying to cancel my internet service. Thank god for the
English helpline… if I had to do it in Japanese I probably would have
run away screaming with all the "I'm sorry we can't…" blah, blah, blah…

Today has just not been good at all. I had something come in at work
last minute and now am stressing if I am going to get in done in time
plus some random interpreation for yet ANOTHER foreign resident who
didn't pay their taxes and needs the big bad gaijin city hall worker to
"threaten" them into paying. Man – I HATE my job right now. I know only
a week left… and then its all over until I start worrying about money
again. (sigh)

BG has got one of her feet up under my ribs and it is NOT comfortable.
She seems pretty happy and relaxed though, I'm glad one of us is. This
weekend cannot come fast enough but more than anything I wanted it to be
2 weeks from now where I won't have to worry about moving, cooking
dinner, or sitting with a foot inserted in my ribs all day long.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Well Ryohei is at nomikai #2… I’ve had a nice bath so I feel fresh and relaxed… I’ve eaten some “Toblerone” chocolate so I feel full of sweet goodness…

But somehow its not enough. 😦

Anyways I had my appointment yesterday which went pretty well. Had some blood taken as I could pay with my Kobe “free money” tickets and my doctor said that she would do it so I wouldn’t have to shell out for it in Niigata.

BG looks good from what I can tell. The doctor spent a long time looking at her on the ultrasound which I guess was diagnostic screening – of course nothing was said to me… But if there was an issue I assume she would have brought it up by this point.

My latest ultrasound picture isn’t very good but I’ll post it anyways. Its a “toilet” shot as well as a “profile” of BG sucking her thumb. She’s been doing that EVERY single ultrasound since the 20 week one in America…

I can’t wait for tomorrow to be over since I’m looking forward to Nay coming this weekend as well as a big picnic for a lot of my foreign wife friends and their families in Osaka on Sunday.

After that it will only be one more week until I can see Ryohei again.. we’ve officially passed the previous “longest we’ve ever been apart” record and its lonely for sure. Being pregnant and hormonal doesn’t help…

Night all!

Ahhhh this has been a stressful morning and I’m even taking a “day off.”
I have a Drs. appt this afternoon – and since my office needs a “drs recepit” in order to take a sick day I have decided to combine 2 into 1 and heal my body with some much needed sleep.

Apparenly between the hours of 11pm and 7am I don’t sleep well at all… but between the hours of 8am – 12pm I sleep great! Can someone explain that to me please?!

Had some scary money drama issues this morning when I went to check on the status of my remittance to America. Most of the money in my American account was gone and I had this message warning me that my bank no longer accepted foreign wire transfers but they would process it “just this one time.” Wow – umm talk about scary… when I sent money back in Feb.. this didn’t seem to be an issue so it must have been a recent policy change.

Anyways I just went back again and saw that the funds had been properly credited to my account – thank god… I don’t know WHAT was going on.. but it looks like I was lucky today. Anyways I think my heart is still pounding a bit – and 3 or 4 strawberry ice popsicles got sacrificed as a result of my chotto freaking out.

So in about another hour and a half or so I will head out to my appt and recieve the blessed “doctors recepit.” Thanks to this, I no longer have more than 2 working days in a row since next weeks Weds. is a public holiday and then I only have one day the week after – go me!

We are really in the home stretch.

I talked to Ryohei on the phone for 3 minutes after his nomikai… apparently the Mayor told him he should be sent to the kencho (in Niigata City) in a couple years… he seemed pretty excited. Perhaps he is the chosen one… as he went ON about telling me how we could move to Niigata in 3 years and then Tokyo in another 2 or 3 years after that etc etc etc…

Way too far off… and umm.. what about our plans for moving to America in 10 years or so?! Watch this spot.. its sure to be fun…

Anyways you would think on my “sick day” that I would be trying to do some work around the house.. umm.. nope. I did manage to get all the bath towels washed and hung out to dry so I guess thats something. My house is still a crappy mess though.. I am not really sure how we are going to get everything done by the time I have to move out. I guess it will happen somehow..

PS – wtf is up with Japanese crows?! They are so creepy I hate them!! There are ton of them in my apartment complex and they are so loud and gross – I don’t like hurting animals but there have been a lot of times lately where I wish I could just hunt them down!!