Once Upon a Tanbo

Fun Weekend, Horrible Night

Posted on: April 27, 2009

I think this is going to be a long post. Bare with me guys… I have a lot
to write about… Firstly thanks to all of you who commented or talked to
me "offline" regarding my Friday night post/whine. While things haven't
exactly gotten better since that point – it was nice to know that I
didn't have half the internets thinking I was a crazy lady. I wanted to
write back individual comments, but I couldn't really find the words to
say, but I just wanted to express my gratitude to you all. Its so nice
to not feel completely alone… which I think is probably what I have been
feeling the most.

So Nay came for the weekend! Poor thing! She was coming down with a cold
the whole time, so I felt really bad… but I think we managed to have a
good weekend!! The weather was not very conductive to anything fun, so
we spent most of Saturday indoors and then went to the "picnic" on
Sunday… although it was less a picnic in the park and more a "picnic" on
hard concrete in the wind in rain near a building which was near another
building which had a Starbucks.. and we one thing led to another and
Starbucks was overrun by about 12-13 foreign women, a gaggle of their
children, and a few (shellshocked?) husbands who huddled together for
dear life in the see of laughing, incessant English speaking, and
occasional tears.

It was really fun though and probably the last chance for me to see
quite a few of my Kansai friends for a while. Although I have plans to
see a couple special friends one more time before I leave for good next
week.

It was good to see Nay as well. It was our first time to meet up without
any of the menfolk present and it was sort of like "high school
sleepover" atmosphere. We shared some nice gossip, cooked sushi,
chatted… all very fun and a great way to spend an otherwise rainy and
windy(!) weekend. Thanks for coming Nay and enjoy your much deserved
trip back home later this week!!

I wish I could leave this post on that happy note – but I had a few more
"fun episodes" last night after I was left alone again. Obviously the
distance and whatever else is getting to both Ryohei and I… The more it
comes closer to me having to move, the more I am NOT looking forward to it.

Him: You got another package in the mail today. (From Lulu – thanks so
much!) Why didn't you tell me it was coming my parents were "surprised."
(What the hell is so surprising about a package coming?!)

Me: I told you about that last week. I didn't think it was supposed to
arrive for another couple days.

Him: Why didn't you send me a mail on my phone? I thought I told you to
do that.

Me: I was planning to… but I've been busy this weekend, and like I said
I didn't think it was supposed to have it come until later on this week.

Him: Can you stop having things sent here? We are running out of room…
you better put away all that baby stuff when you get here.

Me: *hurt begins* I AM going to do it. Did you stop to think that its
not just you moving back but me and your daughter as well?

Him: Yah – but my family is complaining we are running out of room.
Where are you going to put everything?

Me: *hurt continues – pregnant lady hormones raising – tear ducts
preparing* I don't know!?

Him: …

Me: *sniffle sniffle* …

Me: I don't wanna go there then…

Him: …

Him: You know I hope you hurry up and come here because I'm getting sick
of this. When we talk on Skype every night I can't get anything done.
*pulls out book and starts reading*

Me: Fine. Then feel free not to talk to me tomorrow night or Tuesday
night or for the whole rest of the week.

Him: And you're ok with that?

Me: I'll hate you.

Him: *Ryohei equivalent of rolling eyes*

Me: *angry tears/sad tears/frustration*

So yah… eventually we got to the point where we sort of made up… but
obviously the heart is not growing fonder with distance. So at this
point I don't want to move to Niigata where there is "not enough room"
for either BG or me apparently. And to be honest I'm not really looking
forward to seeing Ryohei because he's such a big grump and always
telling me how I am nagging at him and his parents are nagging at him. Yay…

So yah… this is going to get better right? Or am I just signing up for a
world of pain.
This has been the crappiest month ever… and I hope its not a prelude to
crappy life.

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16 Responses to "Fun Weekend, Horrible Night"

Ohhh Big hugs (don’t worry I have long arms) ;P

Just a guess here and feel free ignore this if it isn’t appropriate but is Ryohei better in person than electronically?

Because *some people’s* normally very affectionate, caring, interesting husbands become monosyllabic complaining, rather dull dolts online….

I think K also shuts down his emotional attachment gene when we’re apart as a self defence mechanism against getting hurt.

I bet you anything when you get there it will all be perfect and wonderful again (well other than the smell of pickles and the sound of old man tooth sucking!)

ganbarre

Oh no- you have had some terrible nights lately- you musn`t be getting much sleep!!!

I am sure things will get better when you get to Niigata (I am sorry my package caused an argument- I even told him it was coming though although it did arrive earlier than I said! I really didn`t think it would be there until tomorrow or so)- BOYS ARE SILLY!

Talk to you tonight?

thefukases – yes he IS (much) better in person. which is why im not freaking out and regretting my marriage etc etc. we had similar issues while he was still in Tokyo… im sure once we are together he will be FINE. I think he is just getting absorbed in all his own issues (mostly brought on by living with his parents) and probably doesn’t realize how hard it is for me lately.. thanks for the hugs – i really really need them

Lulu – I actually slept ok last night. They crying helped… seems to make me sleep well – not that I want a repeat preformance every night. Don’t worry you weren’t the cause of the argument.. and I am very excited to get at it – esp. the chocolate once I get to Niigata

I’m sorry Ryohei is being such a jerk Sara! Guys don’t really realize how much *stuff* babies need. If he’s planning on having your whole family living there for a whole year, he, and his parents, have gotta realize its gonna get crowded (maybe this will end up being a point in your favor and you’ll ge to move out sooner?), what with a baby, 4 adults, and a whole lot of baby stuff. If there’s a problem with that they need to deal with it, because it isn’t fair to put it on you.

It also sounds like he was just kind of in a pissy mood in general, and took it out on you. When husbands get in those moods just don’t engage them, especially long distance. Pregnancy hormones don’t help, but you know, as we’re fond of saying over on FWC “detach with love!” When he’s being unreasonable and grumpy just let him be in his funk. I’ve really had to learn to sometimes just let my husband get over his foul mood before continuing any discussion, especially when I’ve done nothing wrong, otherwise I just end up feeling worse. I hope he’s apologized or atoned for his grumpiness in some way by now and you’re in happier spirits today. Things will certainly be better when you’re reunited, and if not, you can feel free to send Ryohei over here for some husband sensitivity training, Red China style! 😛

ok, maybe a bit off-track but i TOTALLY want to kick your PIL. how DARE they complain about your stuff!! *kicks* it’s not like you insisted on moving in with them, this is just the way things worked out!!! grrrr…

don’t worry, they’ll get over it. and once you’re there i’m sure you and ryohei will get through it together. if i were you (and feel free to ignore this if you like), i’d be pushing to move asap when you get there.

*hugs*

*hugs*
I was going to say what Jessica said about it probably working in your favour to move earlier. I think we all forget how much it sucks to live at home after being on your own. I’m sure he won’t last the year =)

Tetsu gets like that sometimes.. all upset about the most ridiculous, meaningless miss… I take that as the cue to agree and go do my own thing for the rest of the night. Guy’s equivalent of hormones? ie. a long day. I’m sure things will get better once you are together. You’re alllllllmost there.

Jess – I like the idea of Red China training camp and may be using that in my defense in the future. He has another drinking party tomorrow night so we wont talk then and I’m highly considering not signing on tonight as well. I just can’t deal with the extra stress at the moment. Hormones aren’t helping as well.. (grumble grumble)

Illahee – Yah.. I’m not really sure what their problem is… first they won’t let us use the EMPTY spare room… and now I have “too much stuff.” This is NOT a permanent move for us – honestly if we could afford to move out right away I would, I even have been looking at places in hopes of finding a place affordable enough to move into. I wish Ryoheis work had family housing – but apparently its only one room dorm type places for single (men) workers.

Khea – Yah… I think he’s still freaking about the “low salary” thing.. which is NOT going to be that low after he starts getting “family money” for BG and me plus his first (small) bonus in June. Believe me… if he thinks I am nagging him now – he has a thing or too coming if he reallllly expects us to live there until next spring. I am going to put my foot down about being out of there by mid January or so. Almost there… but to be honest I’ve been counting down the days til I could see Ryohei again and now (Since I’m pretty pissed at him) I’m not really excited at the moment.

Oh Sara… I am so sorry that you had another awful night. I feel for you soooooooo much!!

I know I said this to you the other night but I am sure the way Ryohei is acting is only a self defense mechanism to save himself from the loneliness he is feeling without being with you… I know that Naoki and I had endless conversations like the one you wrote about….

It really sounds like it would be better for you all to get your own apartment as soon as possible. At least that way you won’t have to feel like you are crowing the house with baby stuff… Although you would think that Ryohei and his parents would have realised how much stuff a baby needs. Stick to your guns about moving out as soon as financially possible. I will even drive all the way up to Niigata to help you move if needed.

Hang in there Sara. I am sure that once you get to Niigata everything will fall into place. This must be such a difficult situtation for you to be in – not only living alone, but being pregnant, having to move from your friends and on top of all that having a husband who is actually really insensitive at the moment…

(please don’t take offense of my comment – I am just hurting for you… You know that I like Ryohei 😛 )

HUGS, HUGS, HUGS, HUGS!!!!!!!!

Nay – Hahaha.. I wish that I could have ended my weekend on the nice note of going out to dinner with you an Naoki. I should have just gone straight to bed when I got back. I hope we will be able to move out as soon as financially possible.. it doesnt sound like a very mentally uplifting place for Ryohei and by proxy the baby and me. Anyways I really did have a wonderful weekend with you and I hope I expressed that in the first half of my post! Hugs back!!

Aww that blows. Like i said before, make sure Ryohei knows that you and BG are his responsibility to look after, this is a time for you to rest and be pampered. It sounds like Ryohei is removed from that reality at the moment. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. When i was preggers and in Aussie away from Ryota I got so much more upset with him because after I turned the computer off i couldn’t stop thinking about the negative things and how alone i felt. He said once that I shouldn’t cry when we talked on skype because it made him depressed!!! Well he got a very big mouthful from me and an assurance that if that was his attitude then I would be staying there! haha, but after that he was a star and very supportive. Ryohei needs to know how valuable you are!!! i know that when you are together it will all seem better. As for the PIL, I’d say wait till you get to Niigata and then deal with the situation, we have to take each day as it comes hey! Stay positive, April is almost over, write it off as a bad month and start fresh from May! Hope you’re feeling better, there are lots of us that are supporting you and are just a phone call/train ride/ email away!
x

Everyone has given you sound advice but really the PIL said what? That is pretty shitty blow, I mean really?

I just hope that moving there won’t cause disdain toward your husband, I think you have every right to be perturbed…fret, fret away.

I don’t have much advice on “being apart” as I never experienced this except when we were courting but I was in my own “comfort zone” so it does not count.

Hugs and Sloppy puppy kisses!

Nagging – it’s what we do best and as pregnant women it is definately within our rights, as is being sent loads of stuff for our babies :p

As for the prelude to a crappy life… life is never crappy with a baby. Tiresome – Yes. Hormonal – Yes. But crappy – not so much. I had a lot of times with Shou when it was the two of us snuggling and me saying ‘it’s just the two of us sweetie, dad’s (Granny K / Japan / the world…) being a dickhead’.

Look on the bright side – all the extra nimotsu in his one room at home will make it mean you have moving trucks coming for your stuff to a new place sooner rather than later.

Long distance sucks. Every thing will sort ourself when you have Ryohei back to give you proper hugs and ankle massages ??

Yikes, that sounds like a horrible conversation to have. I wanted to kick your PILs and punch Ryohei for not trying to understand that you shouldn’t be made to feel the way he is making you feel. I am glad you guys made up though, long distance is hard and I think boys in particular don’t deal with it very well. I am sure it will all be much better when you get there and I am sure your MIL will start getting excited about her future grandchild when she sees you every day and it will escalate in a good way from there! ((((HUGS)))) from me. x

Hi Sara- I’ve only commented once or maybe twice on your blog but I read it pretty regularly. Anyway, I was reading another Japan-esqe blog and he is looking for translators and I thought of you. I know you’re busy but it might be a good escape from the PIL and such.

http://www.bastish.net/2009/04/english_japanese_translator_wa.html

Hope all is looking up.

GJ – I hope things are better when I move there as well. We will see… I was so optimistic going in to all of this and lately its sort of been soured for me. Thanks for the puppy kisses 🙂

GW – Yah I suppose once BG gets here I will be more focused on her than anything else. I’m REALLY looking forward to it. I miss “touch” – and I would love a massage… only a few more days I guess!

Midori – I hope everything you said comes true! I feel like such an outsider at the moment – and while I’ve never had a horrible experience with the PIL before – this hasn’t really created great expectations for the next 6 months. Thanks for your hugs and support!

Bamboo – Thanks for the link! I will check it out 🙂 I’m feeling better than yesterday!

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