Once Upon a Tanbo

Saying good-bye

Posted on: May 28, 2009

Last night Ryohei and I attended the “funeral” for his friend who passed away last week. I use quotes because it wasn’t the actual funeral but more of a wake(?) type set up where we went in spoke to his parents a bit, prayed at the alter, and left after about 20 mins or so.

Poor Ryohei – he was not in good shape. He was pretty much crying as soon as he went to the alter to say good-bye. We went out to get dinner with two more of his friends afterwards and they were all in shocked silence. Afterwards he went home and asked if he could call another friend and they had a LONG talk which involved more crying etc. I’ve been really lucky so far as to never have anyone really close to me die so I’ve felt pretty helpless and not knowing what to say for the past few days.

I haven’t ever seen Ryohei this bad though… I guess that its the first time he’s had to deal with death close to home as well. Interestingly enough, BG was very very active when we were at the ceremonial hall and I told him that. He thinks maybe she was able to feel his friends presence. He had really wanted this friend to meet our baby and was so sad that he passed on before she was born. So… I think that sort of made him feel better. She really want unusually active there though… I wonder if there is a bit of truth to the fact that babies/young children are more in touch with the spiritual realm.

Anyways interestingly enough, if you are pregnant you should keep a small mirror in your pocket to reflect the spirits away from the unborn child. A tip we found out when checking “if it was ok” for me to attend. So I went mirror and all… we also made sure we were covered in salt by the time we got back into Ryohei’s parents house.

Because of all this he’s even more cooperative with my wanting to move… his relationship with his parents (particularly mom) has been pretty strained lately and now he says that this place is just too full of sad memories of his friend and all the times they had. So in the end its just as well that we are planning to move out hopefully by the end of next month – IF- the place we are seeing comes through. If not… I haven’t found any place I like near enough and we’d probably end up staying here until BG is born… (cry cry cry)

I guess we will know in about 2 days or so! I suppose me being foreign would be the most likely reason we would get turned down for the apartment… (despite the fact the one with all the cash is me.. ironically) So please send us successful apartment aquiring vibes.

Besides that not much really… days sort of blend into the next when you’ve got nothing to do and no where to go… I suppose my next big chore is to start washing all the baby clothes before the rainy season starts. BG is scheduled to make her appearence in roughly 50 more days. 50 days ago Ryohei had just moved to Niigata and was starting his new job… time goes by quick. I’m going to be up to my knees in breastmilk, vomit, and poo in no time… wow.

ALSO – take a guess at the BG Guessing Game!!! I’ll close it a month before her due date! The winner will get something from me… at some point after the birth lol!! Happy guessing!


2 Responses to "Saying good-bye"

What a rough time for you both.

Big hugs.

And I love the game. 🙂

How sad for Ryohei. I felt sort of the same way when my husband’s father died. I didn’t really know how to comfort him, but it seemed that just being there, listening to him talk about his dad, and letting him cry when he needed to was enough.

That’s interesting about the mirror. When my father in law was ill and dying the rest of his family, especially the older people, were really concerned that I not be there when his father actually passed (remember, I was about 35 weeks along), because apparently that’s really bad luck, so I went back home before he died and didn’t come back to the village for the funeral either. The different traditions different cultures have surrounding death and dying are pretty fascinating, but heartbreaking when they’re happening to you or someone you love. 😦

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