Back to the inaka…
Posted June 5, 2009on:
I’ve spent the last 5 minutes staring at at blank “posting screen” as I keep spacing out on what to write. So I figure I should try and get something written… I don’t remember if I have anything to do today. It looks like we are getting into tsuyu (the rainy season) which means going out for really long walks is sort of out of the question. I might go out in the afternoon if it clears up a bit.
Looking forward to it being the weekend tomorrow since that seems to be the only time anything interesting happens around here. I’ve been trying to hold on to my “happy feelings” from my couple days in Tokyo but all feelings of happiness and positivity seem to fade to grey when I’ve spent a couple days back in this “half-life.”
We have decided to sign our contract starting the 21st of June so about another 2 weeks until the apartment is actually ours – baring nothing horrible happens at our meeting with the realitor tomorrow. There wasn’t really a point to entering any earlier since the only time we can really move is the weekends and thats the first weekend that we have time to start bringing boxes and stuff. Its also a month exactly before my due date.. haha. Oh well guess thats how its going to go.
Although my mom hasn’t written back to confirm I think she will be coming August 3rd through 19th to help out and stay for Obon. I guess what we are thinking is that if BG comes early I will stay at Ryohei’s family house after getting out of the hospital until my mom comes. So.. hopefully she will come due date or later which means that I will only have a few days back here… this place just makes me so depressed so I’m not exactly looking to come back and stay for a long time once we move.
Hopefully Ryohei will help out but I doubt he’ll be able to take more than a day or two off work since he just started… plus he has to take an afternoon to come with me to a “pre mama lecture” class at my clinic if he wants to attend the birth. They conveniently made that on a Tuesday afternoon… I’m guessing they don’t have a whole bunch of husbands showing up. Oh well, if I’m going to be pushing a watermelon size baby out of my lady parts Ryohei is going to be there to at least hold my hand.
I wonder if he will be very helpful… he’s already asked me if I am going to be making his bento when we move. I told him probably not with a newborn. Is that reasonable? I can imagine that feeding myself and the baby is going to be enough of a challenge for the first month or two.
Please tell me that there is a stage at this point where the whole being pregnant and having a baby thing doesn’t seem as exciting anymore. Lately I’ve been thinking fondly of the “past” when it was just the two of us… I don’t know BG yet besides her constant stretching in my tummy and while its sort of cute… I’m not feeling particularly in awe about not being able to sleep and feeling more like a beached whale then a pregnant lady.
I guess I just have too much free time while I’m here. I did some baby clothes laundry yesterday which was… fun? It was just laundry – very cute pink and tiny laundry – but still laundry none the less. I also had a headache inducing talk with MIL. I just wish she would leave me alone but it seems like she always wants to have tea or whatever when she gets home from work before Ryohei gets home from his work. At this point I’m sick of the innane conversation… like her telling me we don’t need to change our address from Ryohei’s family house even when we move since “we aren’t going forever.” Umm.. we are going for at least a couple years and believe me if/when we do move again its not going to be BACK TO THIS HOUSE. She was also going on at me about what I will be bringing to the hospital and the fact that I didn’t know since the clinic hasn’t given me any of that information didn’t seem to satisfy her.
I’m also sick of the food here again. I just made Ryohei take me to Jusco yesterday to buy bread from the bakery instead of eating raw fish (wasn’t feeling it yesterday although I can normally eat it) and nimono (which I tend to think is pretty gross in general)
Spending time with Ryohei last night was nice (rememeber he was gone the night before) but its the only time that I’m happy when I’m here. I was so genki when I get back from Tokyo even my MIL commented on it.. but now I feel like I’ve gone back to inaka blues. Being back in Tokyo again hit home how wrong it is for me to be living here. I thrive in big cities love the people, the selection of shops, the trains, and accessibility to friends. Here there is none of that… I wonder if we’ll ever be able to end up in a place like Tokyo or Osaka again… 😦 I miss that atmosphere so much. I think I am in denial that I am living here… my life doesn’t feel like my life. And I think feeling disconnected from everything and everyone is one of the major sources of my inaka blues.
Maybe having the baby will make a difference, but I think coming here was still a huge mistake.
PS – Sorry to be back the complaining so soon… believe me I am not a huge fan of myself and wish I could “get over it.” I have a lot of self-dislike for myself due to the fact that I just cannot adjust, but like you can’t force yourself to love someone… you can’t always force yourself to love someWHERE either…
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