Archive for July 2009
Another visit to the clinic… always a pleasent experience… I really have come to equate that place with loathing. I don’t really think my Dr. likes me much — I am guessing mostly because of the weight issue which reared its ugly head again today… surprise surprise.
BP was fine – its gone down ever since I had my “little holiday” 2 weeks ago. Weight is up 2 kg… not impressed myself but sure wasn’t thrilled with the red pen which circled it in my boshitecho like I had gotten bad marks on a test. The doctor proceded to annouce this to Ryohei probably thinking he’d yell at me or make me feel like shit as well – but hell the man bought me a chocolate cake last night.
I’ve gained 20kg in total… just thought I’d throw that out there for anyone whoses interested in knowing just how fat I am. Of course… I think some of the 2 kg has to be water weight. I’ve barely been hungry this week – oh I am sure my Dr. can’t wait to get me back on the hospital diet food.
Which he will get his chance starting tomorrow. After his oh so gentle… (not) check of how things are going down there he pronouced me woefully unprogressed. How about that FAT and body doesn’t want to work to push huge half gaijin baby out.. he says I’ve made very little progress in a week. So that means I get the pleasure of induction time starting tomorrow morning. But no… my sadistic Dr. wants to do a 2 day process.. which means I’m not getting the meds tomorrow just the “dialation stick” or whatever the crap it is and then “go from there.” Which pretty much means guess what we are admitting you but you get to sit around and suffer with a stick shoved up your woo-ha all day before we really do anything.
Oh – and since Ryohei “can’t” miss his festival work tomorrow he won’t be there to experience the fun for himself. Once again me alone in the clinic – hmm… this situation seems so familar. Don’t worry he’s taking Monday off and then I guess he has two days of “birth leave” but hilariously enough the baby should be there by then so the one day I’m utterly alone – I’m utterly alone.
For all my haughty taughty talking about the baby being out by Monday – I’m actually quite scared and disappointed about how its going to be taking place. I didn’t particuarly want to be induced (due to my massive weight apparently!!! apparently a size 12 American can’t push out a roughly 8lb baby) Ryohei asked if he could wait to start the induction to Monday but apparently NOW time is of the essence… watch out I might eat my way through a whole McDonalds in the apprx 18 hours before they admit me. And you can BET I will be back on the low salt, low calorie diet although once the baby is here I am NOT going to stand for it… I’m not really standing for it now – but whatever. Most of my fight is gone at least for now. Once the baby is out they’ve done their job and I can don’t really care to be in good graces anymore and I WILL be leaving early – by Sunday and NOT on a diet. I’m going to be breast feeding so I don’t think the 1600 calories will be cutting it.
Did I mention I really hate my doctor? If they were going to induce me after all they should have just gotten it over with 2 weeks ago or even last week — but no lets let the baby get big and painful before we induce with the medicines to give horrible contractions with no pain relief available. Oh my “big baby” is measuring 3200 kg according to the echo but “that can’t be right” she’s going to apparently pop out much bigger than that…
So.. anyways… I guess she’ll be here sometime tomorrow if I’m lucky July 27th if I’m not.
I was a wreck again after the appointment by the way but Ryohei did some damage control which is why this post is interjected with some humor in between the bitterness and disappointment.
He’s now driving back to his parents to get the car looked at. I told him I don’t want to hear about any of the costs or insurance or anything. I just DON’T want to know right now. The car is still running fine it just looks like crap… it was a really pretty car too 😦 Ryohei said if it costs too much he’s just going to have them tidy it up and we will get to have a ghetto fabulous banged up car for the next 5 years or until whenever one of us wins the lottery and has the spare money for repairs.
Oh actually one more thing – the doctors parting blow. To Ryohei – you shouldn’t let her eat anything today. Wow… not that I really have any desire to eat anything being how its so hot and my stomach doesn’t feel good anyways – but honestly. How can all this not be punishment for my weight? Like I said after I am released I do have a post partum 1 month check up but after that I will NEVER be going back there again.
All good and well to say that but as of tomorrow early in the morning the fun will begin. I guess I’ll post on my old blog for any updates…
Right now I’m just sort of wondering what to do with my last day of freedom for a long long time… its not fun waiting but I have to say that KNOWING today is the last day is not a piece of cake either – esp knowing that the next 48 hours will probably be some of the worst of my life (how many times have I thought *THAT* in the last 2 weeks?!)
Anyways… until next week…
PS – Induction in Japan stories appreciated… I’d like a bit of an idea what to expect considering the explanation I got today was vague at best. Seems a bit different from western processes though 😦 Surprise surprise…
Can’t sleep again although this time its not only no baby frustration but car damage worries as well..
I guess Ryohei and I are on better terms than a few hours ago when I wrote my first post. I tend to get angry and then be ok when I “cool” down although I am FAR from happy about the events of the evening. I do feel annoyed with Ryohei since he should have been more careful and its not like that pole jumped out of nowhere….
He’s sleeping curled up on the futon making the exact same face as BG in this
photo we got 20 weeks ago and muttering “kuyashii” (roughly – this really sucks) in his sleep. Its a bit pathetic really but I’m a big softy so I’ve been giving him a bit of a back pat/cuddle.
Oh by the way my prediction was off yet again – I had thought I would go into labor Friday night/Sat. early morning and be having the baby a few hours from now. And now with the whole CAR issue there are new worries I hadn’t even thought to consider before tonight.
Ryohei got the car from a dealer in his parents town which means that is where he is taking it to get looked at tomorrow after my appointment but there is no way I am going to go with him esp. if we have NO car + we are stuck an hour away from the clinic in case something happens. Honestly.. if they are willing to just take me and induce me tomorrow then so be it… now that we don’t have reliable transportation esp. if the car is in the shop its just safer for me to be in the clinic than not.
Nothing is going as planned and for a person who likes to have things under control that is very hard to accept. I have way too many emotions bubbling up inside of me at once to deal with it all right now. Sadness, frustration, regret, pity, anger…
I told Ryohei how much I regreted ever coming here… that we should have stayed in Kobe and I should have worked at my job another year or two and that we shouldn’t have had a baby – but that its not BG’s fault. Its not like she asked for us to make her… All my anger and biterness just poured out and like two weeks ago I just cried and cried and cried for hours… At this point it doesn’t take much to set me off and the shock of everything plus the gradual building of frustration was like mixing baking soda and vinegar.
Oh… speaking of baking. Ryohei had stopped at the store to buy us mini-chocolate cakes to celebrate the weekend on the way home. I didn’t know until later this evening since after I heard the huge crash of metal on metal before he came stumbling through the door everything is a blur. I can’t hate a man who looks so much like my daughter probably will and brings me chocolate cake without any warning…. but… its still so hard. I really really wanted to just pack up and go home – not like it would solve anything but that seems to be my automatic reaction when the going gets rough.
I just want a normal disaster free life with my husband and child… It feels like all these trials are not helping to strengthen that but instead make me rethink my choices over the past year more than ever before 😦
So today turned out far more crappy then I could have ever imagined.
All in a matter of seconds. Ryohei went out for ramen after his meeting tonight and crashed the car into an electric pole as he was backing into our parking lot.
He’s fine but the car is not. There is a huge gaping hole in the front left…
Our brand new.. not even half a year old car that his Grandma bought him.
I can’t even talk to him. We are in seprate rooms I have nothing to say. I’m glad he’s alright… but I am so ANGRY at him right now.
Nothing is going right at all.. I don’t know HOW we will afford to repair the car. Its going to be at least 1,000 to 2,000 in damages.. maybe more.
I don’t want to give birth or be in Japan or really even be married at this point.
I’m so upset I just can’t do anything but cry. I wish I had words to say to comfort Ryohei but I don’t. Since we moved here every crappy thing imaginable and more has happened. I just want to leave. I wish I had a friend nearby because I don’t want to be here in the same house tonight.
But of course I am… because nothing good happens to me anymore. My luck went away as soon as I left Kobe.
Had a bit of a busy day today… which was nice I guess, but feeling somewhat exhausted now so MAYBE just maybe I will be able to get some rest tonight.
Finally got around to registering for foreigners card to Nagaoka – theres a 3 week “allowence” for doing this and I did it with 2 days to spare!! Yay for procrastination although its a fairly uncomplicated procedure but it meant taking the bus to city hall and back and (surprise surprise) Nagaoka is still rural enough that buses only come once ever hour or so… thus… I was out for over 3.5 hours for something that took all of 20 minute to get done. (sigh) Oh well – no really need for me to go to City Hall again anytime in the near future so all is well. There was a supermarket with a little bakery/cafe inside nearby so during my hour long wait for the bus I was able to get my grocery shopping done and have a latte and freshly baked bread which made the time go by a bit quicker.
I found the Harry Potter 6 movie online in very good quality and watched it the other night during one of BG’s dancing stints and then had a craving to read the 7th book again so that is my plan for tonight if I can’t sleep.
Ryohei was off working in the mountains so he got home a bit later than usual which gave me a bit more time to laze around after getting back from my outing. I made Nay’s Hunters Cabbage that she posted about only adding some canned corn that I had in the fridge and it was a big success! (Thanks Nay!) Ryohei proclaimed it his second favorite thing I have made since moving here (after the Chinese Chicken Salad a week or two back) and it was fairly easy! I also made another batch of olive oil roasted basil and rosemary potato chunks which turned out better than last time. Woo hoo… at least I am on a cooking roll.. although I am starting to get more and more exhausted with each passing day.
I twisted my knee again going up the stairs – another victim of the stress of the extra weight on my body… I just wish I was mobile again. I feel like a half walrus half turtle most of the time 😦
I’m not going to sit around and complain about being overdue tonight since that has been the theme of the last two posts and I get bored easily. Ryohei has some meeting thing tomorrow night and shouldn’t be back until around 9pm or 10pm… so I guess that pretty much I am on my own for the evening. Will have to think of something to do… I guess I am in a way looking forward to my Drs. Appt Saturday since HOPEFULLY something will happen – I’ll either be told I’m in early labor and admitted (best possible scenerio) or the Dr. will schedule an induction for Monday or… I’ll be hung out to dry for another week… but lets not go there yet thank you very much.
Tomorrow is looking to be another hot and rainy day – my least fave combination. A glance at the weather forcast this week shows all clouds and umbrellas… not a particularly uplifting sight. Anyways… one more day until the weekend.. altho if BG doesnt show up I’ll be spending Sunday all by myself anyways. 😦
I hate nights… I really really do. I can be as comfy as a 40 week + pregnant woman can be during the daytime but night all the aches and pains and crap start up. And no not the “good” getting the baby out kind 😦 No idea why but I am having major heartburn again tonight. It feels like I swallowed an apple whole and its just sort of sitting in my chest. Usually a couple TUMS will save the day but this time they don’t seem to be working…
In about an hour or so BG should be starting her nightly disco which involved stretching her legs and elbows up and down my right side for an hour or two. She doesn’t do much during the day… but after midnight until 3 or so she parties like its her birthday… which of course it isn’t.
I NEED to go and get my gaikokujin card changed tomorrow as I still haven’t done it yet. Was planning to the day I got hospitalized but obviously that didn’t happen and since the City Hall is a 30 minute bus ride away I’ve sort of been putting it off but since I only have 3 weeks to “legally” change it I better get it done sooner than later. Not too thrilled about that PLUS having to register my pregnancy in Nagaoka… I was sort of hoping she would be born before the 3 weeks were up so I could avoid the situation but my luck has been in the trash can since I moved to Niigata so I shouldn’t have expected any sort of upswing.
Besides that no plans really… Ryohei has asked me not to have the baby until after tomorrow night since he will be up in the mountains and out of cellphone range setting up for a festival this weekend. Have I also mentioned he is going to be working late Friday and has work all-day Sunday?! So.. as you can see I’m really crossing my fingers for Saturday since its the only time he is really going to be around in the next few days 😦
I guess time is going by quickly.. I was hospitalized 2 weeks ago tonight and it doesn’t seem like its been that long since then but at the same time for the past week or so every single day and night feel like a year. And from what everyone has been telling me… going 10 days – 2 weeks past is not unnormal. It just makes me want to cry.
MIL also called tonight to “check-up.” I HATE that… its not like we aren’t going to notify our families when I go in to give birth. No news is just THAT – NO NEWs. Ryohei has been fairly supportive but I can tell he’s getting a bit antsy as well. He asks me everynight if I’ve had pains or show or anything and always seems fairly disappointed with the CONSTANT negative on all of the above. I had to email him today to remind him to pay our rent and he thought something was going on and was super disappointed when the mail had nothing to do with any sort of birth activity.
I guess another reason I hate nights is that at least in the daytime I can retain some sort of positivity… at night all my negativity returns and I find myself falling into the selfpity pit.
Maybe I’ve just been blogging to much and need to take a break from it all 😦 I’m sure no one wants to read all this crap anyways – most of you are probably thinking I need to buck up and just ride it out. In my head I know its true… but I just can’t help but feel so down in the dumps as another day of nandemonai passes.
I guess you can tell its getting close when the blues sink in like this. I was up until about 4am last night due to wriggly baby and non-comfortable sleeping position – the last two hours of which I was thisclose to crying my eyes out in frustration.
This morning I wake up to an email from my mom with a picture attached of her friend and her friends new grandbaby (which I might add was due after mine) Happy for her friend, I really am… but not so smart considering the circumstances. I don’t want to see or hear about ANYONE having their baby before me at this point. I go to my baby board with mixed feelings as I’m curious to whats happening but every “I’m in Labor!!” or “I had my baby” post is punch in the gut.
So ok.. I thought I would be able to hold out longer but I am annoyed, Po’ed, frustrated… pick an emotion I’m probably partially feeling it right now. I can’t believe I haven’t had any sort of signs at all that labor and getting this all over with is at least a bit near… I’ve heard not everyone DOES get them but at least it would be like some sort of clue to what is going on in the never ending last weeks of pregnancy labyrinth.
I mostly just want to get the whole pain/birth/hospital stay/invasion of privacy by bizillions of nurses/dealing with crap Japanese for a week straight over with. I want to never have to go to my clinic again. Every “old wives” tale I’ve tried hasn’t even given me the slightest cramp… and I’ve started to go down the list a bit. Nothing short of drugs or a scalpel is going to remove this very comfy and ACTIVE baby from me or so it seems…
Part of me wishes she had been breach or something so that I could have just had a c-section and gotten it all over with. Any sort of “birthplan” or whatever would be gladly traded if I could just get the da** thing over with and SEE my baby and NOT have a huge bowling ball attachment growing from my stomach.
All this and I’m only a day over… This is going to be a fun.. fun… week.