Once Upon a Tanbo

A Heavy Feeling

Posted on: July 15, 2009

So this time last week I was crying my eyes out listening to some unknown woman push out a baby a couple of meters away from me… I guess a week has gone by fairly quickly although I’m not looking forward to going back for my checkup on Saturday. I guess I was optomistically hopefully that the baby would come before then – well she has two days to get herself here but very very doubtful.

Actually feeling a bit annoyed because if she comes next week (like I have a feeling she is) Ryohei has work both Saturday and Sunday which he told me he will not be taking off so pretty much its just going to be BG and I at the hospital with no Daddy around.. yay typical Japanese family!! Figures I’m giving birth right in the middle of the busy komuin festival season… which means that Ryohei has lots of weekend work coming up in the next month. He has to work during Obon as well… once again another matsuri/festival.

Who knows.. maybe it will be even later when she comes… I was 10 days late, Ryohei was 2…

Today was awfully hot – it has been relatively cool the last week from the rain, but today was a scorcher… it got up to about 35 degrees in the afternoon and I managed to knock down the screen door and was afraid of bugs coming in so I got to stay upstairs the whole afternoon trying to get by with fan alone and not use the A/C altho I did give in once or twice for about an hour.

Anyways Ryohei had a feel of my ankles and legs and proclaimed they were a bit swollen again. Surprise surprise consider it was so damn hot and we had just walked around the home store for about an hour… and then he brought up good old dr. idiots calorie control idea again. God I hate my Dr. for making my husband think I’m a fat cow who has brought all my end of pregnancy misfortune on myself for not being able the resist the occasional ice cream and cheese… I had a nice talk with a (yet unmet) friend in Nagano who made me feel better about having gained “all this weight.” Just sucks to have people get me so down on it… its not like I really WANTED this either. 😦 I’ve had so many people say to me “oh my dr. was really good about the weight gain” seems unfair I got a Dr. who can’t see past the strict “less than 10kg” limit. BTW – way past 10kg at this point 😦 I would LOVE to be back to my pre-birth weight or lower…. believe me. But there isn’t much I can do now besides get rid of the baby/placenta/waters/extra blood/extra boobies… etc.

Oh well.. it just depressed me that Ryohei brought it up. He’s never really been controlling about what I’ve eaten or anything – and he’s still not really but I can feel him looking at me questioningly when I tell him I’ll have a cookie too or whatever… sigh…

All this crap really has made end of pregnancy a nightmare. I just really really want it to be over with so doctors and husbands and whoever else will just leave me and my “Fat ass” alone… and let the magic of breast feeding help me shrink down a bit I guess.

I guess thats it really… I guess it doesn’t help still no signs of impending labor or anything – doesn’t feel like shes moved down much at all – I’m still getting kneed/elbowed in the midstomach… blah… I’m not looking forward to Saturday but I refuse to be “institutionalized” again so there better be no more talk of that.

sigh… night all

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20 Responses to "A Heavy Feeling"

Surely your wife having a baby is reason enough to have the day off, kouimin season or not? I thought father’s at least get to be with their family on such an important occasion…or not?

It’s a little bit unfair to make you stay there and bring your child into the world by yourself. I seriously think he should be with you.

I know he’ll be there for the actual day of birth – just not sure about the week long clinic stay that Japan makes you have.

Doesn’t help visiting hours at my clinic are crap – weekdays are only 2pm – 8pm… they don’t help much in the way of family involvement for sure.

I don’t know about the US but in Australia they try to get you up and around as quickly as possible, and usually send you home within a couple of days. Japan is totally opposite! Maybe they are just trying to control you abit more. Though I guess the rest can’t hurt either. 🙂

Hi Sara, I’ve been following your recent experiences and have felt bad that your last weeks of pregnancy are stress-filled. But in a couple of weeks at the most, you will have your daughter here.

About Ryohei, most komuin, regardless of how many years they have been on the job, have special leave for when they’re wives are having a baby. It’s quite detailed, i.e. you have 2-3 days from when your wife goes into labor and/or is admitted to the hospital, and then they usually have about 5-10 days after the baby is born to be together. I think that many men will take off a few days after the birth of the baby to be with their wives and new babies in the hospital, but then will save the rest of their leave until you come back from the hospital.

Have Ryohei confirm that information with the personnel section in city hall. There will definitely be leave for labor/delivery, as well as “paternity leave”, in as much as it exists in Japan. 🙂

Can you get the name of this in Japanese from your husband so I can get Ryohei to ask his work about it specifically? Whenever I try and leave these kind of things up to him he sort of hems and haws about it.

I would love him to be able to take some time off – I know he’d prefer that to working but no one has explained anything to either of us regarding these procedures and time is starting to be of the essence…

Hi Sara, just talked to DH and he didn’t remember all the terms, but if Ryohei talks to either the shomu people in his bureau/department, or the personnel section, they will be able to fill him in on all the different types of leave he has available to him, especially with regard to birth and leave.

出産休暇(shussan kyuuka): He wasn’t too sure on this term, but this was for when you go into the hospital and he would have 2-3 days (or something similar) for the baby to actually be born.

配偶者出産休暇(haiguusha shussan kyuuka): DH had 5 days after the baby was born to take whenever he wanted. I think that it had to be taken within a certain period of time or you would lose it.

子の看護職免(ko no kaigo shokumen): This is for when your child is sick.

There are tons of different types of leave that he can probably take with regard not only to birth and delivery, but also to raise your daughter. He’ll be able to get more information from personnel. The names and # of days will differ from city to city, but for the most part, koumuin pretty much have similar situations across the board 99% of the time.

DH is very good at getting his vacation time…he also used his obon/summer holidays and combined it with the 配偶者出産休暇 and had a pretty good stretch of time to bond with DD.

BTW, I just used romanji just in case the kanji didn’t show up well enough. I hope this helps!

Thanks!! I will talk to him about it tonight!! That is very very helpful 😀

If you don’t have puffy ankles at the end of pregnancy, I think that is a miracle. My legs were swollen and gross looking every night (but don’t worry, strapping a baby ergo to your front side and doing a bit of walking every day fixes that within a month!) Also, I shot up to 95 kilo right at the end after only gaining 10 kilo the whole pregnancy (I was big to start) which put me at a 15 kilo weight gain. My doctor didn’t say anything because he knew I walked about 3 kilometers per day and was a pretty active prego. I guess what I am trying to say is the same thing everyone else says to you…you are normal for your genetic heritage. And as far as pre-e goes…and end of pregnancy troubles, even if you don’t gain a lot of weight you can still get it. Pre-e often has no rhyme or reason….and high blood pressure also…

I’ll keep reading, and as I mentioned in my last comment, if you need a good vent, feel free to phone.

Wow!!! How were you able to walk 3km per day towards the end?!!? My ankles and back feel like they are about to fall off just after a simple trip walking around the shops. (lol)

I am pretty sure I don’t have pre-eclampsia although I was never given a formal diagnosis either way – so LOVE not being told what or what is not wrong with me – but yah very annoying that weight was “thought” to be a cause. I’ve gained between 16-18kg depending on various water weight – which doesn’t seem horrible to me but apparently is the end of the world for my clinic.

Interestingly enough my tiny Japanese SIL is a month behind me and pushing 12kg – maybe our husbands (brothers) just make huge weight gain inducing baby girls? 🙂

I def. CAN’T wait to get active again – right now it hurts too much to be super active and I’m afriad to go too far from home on my own just in case – but in a few weeks (hopefully co-inciding with the weather cooling down) I can’t wait to be walking around and exploring the neighborhood with baby in tow.

He he he. My ankles swell every hot day- and I’m definitely not pregnant. How gross is that?? I think it’s great Ryohei is so concerned about you and the baby. That’s the way I’d take it. Yes, doctor is a stupid old fart but Ryohei has grown up probably never once getting a second opinion, googling his ailments or questioning what the mystery white powder medicine is. No excuse but it does mean that Doctor=God a bit here. I HATED having Ken with me at appointments as a ‘hmmm, a bit anaemic…*but nothing to worry about*’ would have him force feeding me liver bleurgh!!!

Yah – I figured it was “suspicious” that hmm hottest day of the year so far – slight swelling in legs… (rolls eyes)

I’ve actually been really really good about the no salt thing – lots of herb and lemon flavored meats lately and no fun stuff like shoyu or miso either.

Its so true… I google everything for a “second” opinion esp. since Drs. here have a free pass once they graduate. No renewing their licences for “update” info like back at home – altho maybe someday?

I am happy Ryohei is concerned – its just when that concern means I get puppy dog eyes for eating a cookie or something I just want to give him a big kick in the pants. I’ve always been super healthy I guess and he’s used to that (he’s the sicky of the two of us always having stomach aliments and whatever) so I guess he just doesnt know how to react. Either way – hoping its over soon so that I can go back to being strong and in control lady of the house 🙂

Well let’s be thankful you’re at home and not still in the hospital eh!
It sux the last few weeks are so crappy but if you can gaman it a little bit longer it will be all over soon!
Could you direct Ryohei to some American websites or books on pregnancy, and how gaining weight is normal and that small babies can have heart problems etc? He seems to be under the sensei spell!
He’s going to take time off when you’re giving birth right??

The thing is I need those sort of sites in Japanese – I don’t think the English sites would help much… since he’d ask me to translate what they are saying *sigh* Fat chance finding a site in Japanese that would say helpful stuff like that too…

I really don’t know if he is taking time off or not.
Maybe a day or two?? I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he sort of shrugs it off… GAH… 😦

I mean in the clinic I don’t technically NEED him there but a day or two after I get out would be nice esp. if my Moms not here yet…

I dunno – Ryohei is pretty non-Japanese about a lot of things but his attitude toward work is not one of them :/ I’m just glad his job now is so relaxed, but still he feels the need to go over and above the call of duty like attending all meetings, nomikai, extra events etc..

Hmm that is tough…
I guess he is thinknig about your future when it comes to work but it sucks in the beginning I would imagine!
Ryota is luckily quite non-Japanese when it comes to work but I do worry about when he retires or whatever, no big fat pension for us! Guess both ways have ups and downs…
Oops i forgot to reply to your fb message too, sorry! We definitely still want to do a trip to Niigata at Obon, I don’t know when it is this year or which days Ryota will have off, so I’ll let you know, but I guess the middle of August??

ok! things at obon will be a bit crazy for us since my mom is staying until the 16th (sunday morning) but maybe if you are in the area that day we could meet up after you come from the onsen?

Do you have one in mind in particular? I’m so jealous of having an onsen trip – we wanted to do one after the baby was born but got kawaisou’d to death by every woman over age 50.

If what Kuri says is true for Ryohei as well, you should really see about talking to somebody about it. It would be great if Ryohei could get some time off after BG is born to spend at home with you both!

I don’t think Ryohei is trying to be controlling in regards to what you are eating, I think it is more that is just worried about you. I would see it as a sign of how much he loves you!!

I know the last few weeks are really dragging out for you but as everyone has been saying, seriously, Bg will be here soon!! You will soon have your beautiful girl in your arms…

Yah I don’t think he is trying to be controlling per say – I just think that he thinks I am ignoring the Drs. advice and putting myself and the baby in danger… which is annoying since telling him – but all my internet friends agree with me – doesnt work LOL

The last weeks have dragged out…. just waiting for it to all be over…

As you know I had elephantitis ankles. Could push ankle in and it not pop back out for oh about half a day!! My ankles came home about a day after Ryu was born! It does make for not very comfortable walking and the likes – especially in this heat and with your big tum. Not pleasant.

I’m not sure what the special leave is, all I know is that hub didn’t take it. With Shou though he was on STRICT INSTRUCTIONS from the gaijinwife to be home early and on the weekends. He wasn’t allowed to drink for the month leading up to the due date. This time round he has had more things on but for number one he got the hard word. Your wife having a baby definately comes at the top of the list of things to get you out of drinking things. The work work things, a bit harder perhaps, but the festival participation (directing cars in the carpark or whatever it is) and random nomikais I would imagine he could get of if he tried.

And if he still says he has to go then you make sure he can’t get a word in any which way about any household stuff he thinks has gone a bit array, dinner being toast or cup noodles again etc.

Hang in there. The home stretch. Saloon doors are getting a ready.

lol – yah i’ve pretty much told him this wedding sunday is his last hurrah for a while now. honestly i don’t mind if he drinks/spends the night at home – maybe i will let him if i am still firmly locked at the saturday appt. i can’t see ANY action getting her down the hatch til then – as she says with a baby leg firmly pressing into her rib…

i guess we will see about his works “parental leave” policy
if i DO end up staying at the clinic the weekend of 24/25 and he cant come visit due to “snow festival” i will be pretty annoyed.

at this point its looking like i will be there that weekend either that or at home alone waiting for overdue baby… so that will be another fun bridge to cross when we get there!!

good to hear that the water retention will go away – its not pretty and def. not fun – i am enjoying my foot massages tho!!

Hello
I have been glued to your blog for a few weeks now. My first popped out about 10 months ago. Mum put the pressure on me to have him at home in NZ. I was seperated from my Japanese husband in Jaan for 4 months. He arrived two days after delivery.
He went back to set up house and we reunited 4 month later here in Saitama.
Trying to bilingualise Joe. What will you do? And how about other readers. My Japanese ability is crappola so Eigo is used between us. Of course my Huz uses Japola with Joe.
I am so excited for you!!
I am wanting your password too please?!
I pigged out the day before labour. My body wanted that energy. And F retention affected my whole body so it wad only face etc….

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