Once Upon a Tanbo

Man Logic

Posted on: July 19, 2009

3pm Japan time

Man: Don’t worry I’ll be home around 9 – 10pm
Woman: Have a good time!

8:30pm Japan time

Woman: (email) No sign of the baby coming. See you between 9 – 10pm.. Its boring here I can’t wait until you get back
Man: (email) Ah.. looks like I’m going to be later than 10pm, but its ok because I’m not drunk.

I SERIOUSLY have an issue with this situation… I HATE when Ryohei changes his arrival time – if you say you are gonna be home by a certain time then please stick to it… doesn’t matter if the wedding ran over or what.. the only thing that is going on now is the after ‘drinking party’ and I think an hour or so there is FINE before coming home esp. if he’s not drinking or whatever

I could make a huge stink about it bring up the whole “you promised me” line.. but it just doesn’t seem worth it. I guess I’ll just conveniently be off the store when Daddy is home and BG has a huge poopy diaper sometime in the next couple weeks – petty but sure makes me feel better.

EDIT: Man promises to bring woman ice cream on the way home… woman feels a bit bad for being so hard on him… 😛

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18 Responses to "Man Logic"

Something to get used to, I guess. Doesn’t seem to change.
I used to freak out at Tetsu all the time, but I’ve realized that having no expectations (even when given a time) equals a happier both of us =/ It’d be nice… but… it just won’t change (in our case anyways)

I can relate!!

yah, i know i’m being a bit of a whiner today, would love some cheese to go with it – too bad theres none here 😦

the “not sticking to plan” is just a pet peeve of mine. Ryohei makes up for it in other ways but sometimes I just really want to kick him in the butt esp. when it involves me being stuck alone with the in-laws for excessive amounts of time

gah…

I don`t even ask Taka what time he is going to come home because I agree with Khea, its just better not to know and be dissappointed when he comes home later than expected.

Of course, I think it depends on how much your DH likes being in those situations. Mine isn`t really a crowd/getting drunk type of person so it sounds like likely he has been telling them “I have to go home now because my wife will get really mad if I don`t” type comments, even though I haven`t said anything to him.

Haha… mine doesn’t really like the whole “business” nomikai…
but when its something with his friends he’s pretty social and wants to stay out and have a good time – which I understand!!

Just.. gah – I wish he wouldn’t give me a time… I guess I’m just super cranky due to impending due date with no baby.

I did intially write the post meaning to be more tongue in cheek about the whole thing but I guess my real feelings sort of popped out as well 🙂

True, it might be different with friends (that he doesn`t seem to have outside of work….at least anywhere in our vicinity).

Don`t feel so hard on yourself, I think your feelings are perfectly acceptable considering you are going to go in labor in day now. I know that I will be feeling this way in a few months but I will just have the ILs and my mother around.

Either its one of those live with it situations or over time you negotiate and put your foot down. In Tokyo Masa had / and will have so many business dinners and I can’t do much about those. Luckily Niigata business dinners are fewer. The second “party” and all the extra drinking with collegues stuff I seem to be able to knock some sense into him. He knows my rage and how P.Oed I get about him destroying his body as he loves drinking. I like drinking too but in moderation. He is much healthier after marrying me because he is limited now- and I remind him of this. I am pretty tough and for some unknown reason he takes it from me. I pity my boys- I really put my foot down hard on some situations.
I think over time and having a baby and providing for a family will make him rethink how long he stays at the second party. Be gentle on him- these things take time and is so rooted in the culture as it seems like many Japanese wives accept this.
PS
Why didn’t you join him at the wedding? Sure sounds like it would beat staying with the inlaws.

I THINK that weddings here are invite only?? Or at least the ones Ryohei’s been too.. I’ve never been asked to go to any of them… and from a look at the guest list there were no couples at all.

Ryohei’s not a huge drinker (thank god) and he can’t hold his liquor at all..

He actually has quite a few business nomikai because he’s in the industrial division at work so they have events with the labor union as well as the local business association… going drinking with a bunch of middle aged Japanese men would be low on my list of fun things to do.. but i guess thats just how it is.

Yeah, I have learned to add at least an hour to whatever time Akinori tells me he’s going to be home. If he says “I’m leaving now” it means I’m leaving in 20 minutes and making at least two stops along the way which I may or may not tell you about depending on how much money I spend and the items I come home with. It’s okay though now that I know how to tell “Akinori time”. Besides which if he ever actually came home by the time he said he would I would probably die of shock so we’re all better off this way in the end I think 😉

Thats probably a very SMART thing to do…

Its not so much the time thing as the keeping your word thing that gets me… I’m sure if a friend stood me up for an extra hour or so I’d be pretty miffed about that (ok – I have been) unless it was due to transportation issues or something unavoidable.

For the most part Ryohei isn’t too bad but like your husband its the spending money on things *I* don’t think are worth it and the lateness (occasionally) that really get me…

I guess I just worry about being alone with newborn BG.. I’m not very confident about my (nonexistant) mothering skills.

Yeh you should go to the weddings, wedding are couple things right!?
Honestly, if I was as preggers as you are, I would have told him to stay home, work is a little harder to get out of but a wedding can easily be declined. Or I would have faked labor pains then said it was a false alarm when he got home…hehe but that’s just me being a little bit bitchy 🙂
I have to disagree with the ‘get used to it’ attitude though, you guys are in this for a long time together, and there has to be compromise on both sides.
Hopefully you got through the boring night though!
Sending labor vibes your way!

Yup survived the night and at least I got ice cream out of it!!
Like I said to Lily… weddings don’t really seem like “couple” things to me here… like I’ve never been invited to any of Ryohei’s friends weddings and this is number 4 or 5 or so…

Maybe he just has super traditional friends?
Of course if I go thats an extra 2man on top of the 3man that Ryohei has to give I think… so maybe its best if I miss out for the time being.

He did do laundry and agree to go out to revoliving sushi for dinner tonight so he’s off the shit list… for now (lol)

I hope that Ryohei ended up getting home a decent hour!! I know how frustrating it can be when you are expecting them home at a certain time but they change the time on you. It is really frustrating!!

Yah timeliness is next to godliness right?? or wait.. thats cleanliness.. haha

He didn’t get home TOOOOO much later than promised but still.. 😛

Guess it is a sad state of affairs, but I don’t even ask anymore, and if he bothers to mention it I don’t ever believe him about it. I totally agree with Khea in that having no expectations at all is the way to go, in every single thing regarding my marriage anyway.

It is always really interesting to read comments on these sorts of things from people I know who are living in Japan with Japanese husbands and compare them to comments from people I suspect live elsewhere. Very different perspectives, no?

Gah I have expectations about things without realizing i have expectations about them and then somethings don’t bother me at all.. After a year and a half of marriage and 3 years of being together there are still a lot of things that surprise me!!!

Actually my (american) ex… sort of was horrible with time as well..

I sort of am peeved when i read the whole “im so glad i didnt marry a japanese man..” type comment since everyones different. i’ve met crappy and great guys from every country i’ve lived in – i think mine is super 90% of the time… i just tend to post about the other 10% on my blog quite a bit… 🙂

At least he realised the error of his ways and brought ice cream home! 😉
I agree with Sherry and Khea. When it comes to this kind of thing it is usually best to have no expectations. I think that Western men are probably slightly better trained/ less culturally brain-washed when it comes to stuff like this so they make a bit more of an effort to keep their wives happy but I do hear complaints about late nights from other friends as well, it is just more of a rare occurrence. At the end of the day, boys will be boys and it is probably better for your blood pressure to try not to stress about it! That said, it used to annoy the crap out of me when D did it!

yah i’m not stressing too much!! i just end up ranting on my blog quite a bit – i guess its my sounding board… def. has become more of one since moving here because before i had a lot more friends nearby to do my complaining to IRL (lol)

i agree that its more of a man thing… (depending on the man) i’m sure that if i polled some of my gfs back in the states they would say the same thing…

like i said my ex.. one time was hours late and said he fell asleep on a bench… (dont really believe him about that) anyways ice cream was yummy!! and all is forgiven 🙂

Japanese thing? The “I’m coming home at *****” translates as, “I wish I could go home at ******, not that I actually will.” I ALWAYS add at least two hours to any ETA my husband gives me. Even then, if I wait up I am often disappointed. This caused huge issues in our marriage, so recently, he doesn’t give me ETA’s at all, instead, he phones when he is honestly, truely, actually leaving the office.

A lot of foreign wives here have told me similar stories to my own.

Laura

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