Once Upon a Tanbo

I’m back – The Birth Story from HELL

Posted on: August 3, 2009

Ok.. technically I should be sleeping… I think I’ve gotten maybe 2-3 hours  (per 24) since Sakura was born. BUT – I figure I am just going to be waking up in another hour to repeat the ‘taking care of a newborn’ process so instead I’ll type out my birthstory.

Hilariously enough there is absolutely NOTHING natural about my birthstory… there was pretty much assistance at every turn. Let me break it down for you…

July 28th 5:00am

After then night of my horrible first failed induction I called Ryohei begging him to let me come home and just wait for a natural birth. If you read my other blog you know that I had horrible contractions on pitocin but when I didn’t dilate past 3cm the assmaster (doctor) decided to pull the plug on the whole operation leaving me with absolutely no hope that the baby would be born and a night full of medicine induced “after contractions.”  I was convinced there would be no change the second day so when they tried to hook me up to the IV for the pitocin again at 6:30 am I tried to refuse but to no avail… so there I was stuck in bed again. And of course I was strapped to a baby moniter and IV the whole time so there were very little labor options besides lying on my side or back…

10:00 AM

Was having VERY painful contractions by now. Thankfully Ryohei was there BUT the stupid IDIOT midwife said that since he looked tired he should go take a rest in the car so that he could be there to support me later on.. UMM HELLO bitch.. the one who needed a rest was the one hooked up to drugs shoving a 3600 gram baby down and out… Anyways she pretty much made Ryohei leave me so I was laboring alone for close to an hour and a half while he got to sleep in the f***ing car. He came back around 11:30 and just then I was called in for my “mid-way” exam. They saw I was at 6cm but the baby was really high up so they decided to bring me out of the labor room and into the delivery to break my water for me.

12:00 PM

Brought to the delivery room and told Ryohei can’t go in. Infact… he doesn’t see me again until about 1 minute before Sakura is born.. (more on this later) They break my water and wait for me to dilate all the way up to 10 cm. At this point I’m strapped into the evil doom chair with stirrups and on my back with pitocin induced labor cramps so in absolute and utter agony with no one in the room. They were doing a surgery on the other side of the curtain so all I could do was just breath and eventually start pushing for 2 hours.

2:20 PM

I was still at 8cm so assmaster decided to open me up all the way and used something or other to dialate me to 10cm and then I was told to start pushing. Pushing took an hour but wasn’t as painful as I thought maybe some of the endorphines had hit me by then that and I was begging them to tell me it would stop hurting once the baby was out… but no reply… I really was pretty much alone.. no one helping me to breath or push or anything.

3:15 PM (ish)

Baby is moving down slowly but still pretty high up. Assmaster decides that he needs to vacuum her out. So… at about 3:20 (yes two minutes before she was born) they FINALLY call Ryohei in from the labor room where he has been waiting over 3 hours and then with two uses of the vacuum and some chokichoki action (;_;) Sakura was out!! I didn’t see her come out as I was closing my eyes.. Ryohei described her as a big blue ball…

3:30 PM

They clean up Sakura and take her away… I don’t get to touch her or breastfeed her or anything.. Now is time to deliver the placeta instead… They try to feel around and push it out but to no avail.. its apparently up near my ribs but the doctor gets called away so I’m stuck there for over an hour with them trying to figure out how to get my placenta out and finally after an hour and a half of prodding pushing and general pain the doctors reaches up INTO my uterus and pulls of the placenta. I don’t know if it was because my birth hormones were starting to wear off or not but it was the most painful part of the whole process. I was absolutely screaming. A human hand DOES NOT belong up inside your uterus grabbing out the placenta. He then proceeded to start stitching me up… with NO pain reliver. Now lots of people told me they didn’t feel being cut or stitched but i sure as hell did. I start screaming again and FINALLY they gave me a shot of pain reliver down there which helped me get through the last part…

It was almost 2 hours after Sakura was born that I got to see and hold her. Thankfully Ryohei was with her most of the time while I was being basically manhandled in the delivery room.

It was NOT a pleasent birth experience at all. My stitches were so incredibly painful and I lost a ton of blood and had to be monitered. Like I said before it was an incredibly unnatural birth. Lets go over what I didn’t do on my own.

Contractions – due to pitocin

Water breaking – done by doctor

Full dialation – done by doctor

Pushing the baby out – vacuumed out

Pushing the placenta out – grabbed out

Yup… apparently my body was crap at giving birth…

Anyways the last week has been a blur of no sleeping, lots of breastfeeding struggles, and hormonal ups and downs like never before. Sakura is adorable.. when she isn’t screaming at me… but it is incredibly tiring. I will post more about the clinic (which was much better than the birth experience – although I suppose most things would be)

Anyways I’m expected a wake up call very soon – I almost cried leaving the clinic today because I was so scared to being her home. But Ryohei is here today and has been really helpful and then we’ll be alone tomorrow but my Mom with be here from around 8pm and stay for the next 2 weeks. Really really glad she is coming as being SO depended on is tiring and draining and… my baby is SO cute… but I feel like I am so unprepared and doing everything wrong. Gotta love the first time Mom thing…


18 Responses to "I’m back – The Birth Story from HELL"

I wish I could say that it was all worth it because you have a beautiful baby, blah blah blah…and it is, BUT, I know how you feel not having the birth you wanted….My suggestion would be to definitely mourn that loss, don’t ignore your feelings, and piss on anyone that says just to forget it. When you have a rough start it is even harder to deal with what comes after….so just take some time, reflect and deal with the feelings you have about the birth, don’t ignore them, and don’t let anyone tell you they aren’t valid! I had a VERY similar birth story, so if you want to talk about it I am definitely here for you!

I can’t believe your husand didn’t stay with you for the near birth, why did he let himself get talked out of the room?? If that was my husband I would kick him up the ass. Why don’t you complain about the hospital?? Surely, as you have paid for the fees you deserve an explanation of why they treated you like that and didn’t even respect your wishes??

I’m glad you’re ok now, though I would be making a formal complaint about the hospital if I were you.

Yikes. Agree with Cassandra, don’t ignore your feelings about the crappy birth experience. Sorry it sucked that badly Sarah but don’t give yourself a hard time about your body being crap at giving birth as at the end of the day, it obviously wasn’t ready for you to have Sakura, which is why it worked against the intervention at every turn. Not being able to cuddle Sakura right after the birth must have sucked. We seriously need to find you a new clinic for baby number two! LOL! 😉
The “feeling like you are doing everything wrong” feeling is completely natural. When I think back to my first month of mothergood it is totally amazing and impressive that Joey is as alive and healthy as he is! BUT he is and I made it through the first couple of months of the wilderness and you will too. I really really struggled in the first month but it did get easier after that. I am so glad your Mum will be here to help you as if nothing else, an extra pair of hands is a good thing. I have never wanted my Mum around as much as I did just after Joey was born. Although, her not being there was probably a good thing as we had very differing opinions on things like breast-feeding and it would have been hard to stick to my guns while she was brow-beating me all the time! LOL!
Anyways, rest when you can and remember that we have all been there and survived. “This too shall pass” is probably a good motto to get through the worst nights as it really does get better after a while.

I’d agree to what Cassandra said. Much of my birth process was horrid, I still get nightmares… but you know what? it made me a stronger person! Doesn’t matter HOW you give birth… everyone who has had a child pass through their nether regions (or otherwise) can agree… anyone who has done it is due equal respect! So I congratulate you! You have even had a sense of humor throughout the whole time… I was all “woe is me” mind you, I had no one but Riki to talk to.. maybe that didn’t help!

Hearing you on the placenta thing. my doctor shoved his arm up and yoinked mine out. the bastard didn’t warn me when he was about to start stitching me up… just kinda felt this stab. Is it just me.. or is it really freaky when the doctor breaks your waters!? I never felt so… violated! 😛 he didn’t use any “tool” just gone and put his thumb up there. Felt like I was a pie being tested!? He also decided to cut my down there without actually asking. All i heard was the nurse say “it’s going to be a big gaijin baby… cut her” and they did. ouch ouch ouch! I was too scared to pee for days and ended up having to get the nurse to shove something up my pee hole and release the pee for me in some little dish XD… TMI?

If you need to chat about anything, you’re quite welcome to… keep in mind i’m still having terrible luck and have no phone capable of emailing.

So jealous your mom is coming too!! xxxx

Congrats on the bubby!

Your body is NOT crap at giving birth.. Your doctors and midwives were crap at their job.. Just saying.. 🙂

Wow, is it wrong of me to feel positive about my birthing to come, because I know it can’t be possibly worse than what you had to go through? I’m so sorry… at least it’s over and you have a story that will be hard to beat?

I agree though, you’re body is not crap! It did a great job, and probably worked harder than most have to… even though it wasn’t ready.

I’m jealous your mom is coming too! I’m sure she will be alot of help, so take advantage of her presence as much as you can while she’s there. Have fun learning how to be a mom! (I’ll need you for soudan-ing with, in a month or so 😉 )

Sarah, I was crying as I read it, and all my bits were curling up and trying to get away in sympathy. You were utterly violated and your feelings of anger and helplessness are totally valid. The only wrong thing you are feeling is that your body was crap. The poor thing was never given a chance. Poor you and poor Sakura.

I agree with the others who said that you should accept and know that you had a shitty experience, and allow yourself to feel all the cheated feelings. Only that way will you be able to put it behind you. Don’t dismiss it as no big deal, or that you are weak, or that you didn’t deal with things properly, the fault is entirely and firmly in the hands of the hospital.

On the other hand, Sakura was born healthy and safely and that was YOUR body! You grew her for all that time and you made a perfectly formed, beautiful baby and that is totally, entirely down to you.

Rest as much as you can, you don’t have to clean the house. Lie in bed with her as long as you need. At least you can nap when she does. It ISN’T the same as a good long sleep but it certainly will help, and you need the rest to heal.

And where are the photos??????!

Welcome home mama!
Oh my lord that’s a horrible horrible birth stoy! I can’t believe you didn’t get to hold her straight away and that you were in so much pain by yourself, bastards!!!
I hope you can get some rest and get in to a good routine soon!

ok, now i seriously want to kick something. someone hold that dr., ’cause i’m aiming for his ‘nads.

*sigh* it wasn’t your body, it was the incompetent dr. and his oblivious staff. but now you know: don’t give birth there again. and do do do please file an official complaint against the dr. and/or clinic. even if your after-birth stay was nice, there’s no reason why and woman should have to go through what you did. i’m especially upset you were taken off labor inducing drugs so you could start again the next day. that’s just wrong. obviously, it was for the doctor’s benefit, not yours nor your baby’s. UGH!!

glad you are home and hopefully will send off that book tomorrow. and please feel free to call or e-mail me any time!

Welcome home Sara and Sakura!! I am really sorry that the birth went so horribly. I agree with what everyone else has said about feelings, not your fault and crap doctor. Yayy your mom will be here soon. It is nice to have someone there for the first bit to help.

Holy crap Sarah, I thought my birth story was bad but you win hands down. I think my uterus actually cringed when i read about the doctor reaching in and pulling your placenta out. OH. MY. GOD. I’m soooooo sorry the birth was so not what you hoped for, especially after the difficult months you’ve just had. I agree you need to make a complaint. It may not change anything at the clinic but you need to write it down and have it on file somewhere for your sanity.
You are feeling the way all new mothers feel when they go home. I was surprised I was allowed to leave the hospital with this tiny, needy creature when I felt so unprepared for it, but you’ll be surprised how well you cope. You won’t feel like it at times, but you are doing a good job.
You are such a strong person to have gone through everything you’ve gone through in the past few months and to still be married, in Japan and sane. I’m more than impressed. You should be very proud of yourself.

Oh my……..I have no other words

I agree with the others, it wasn`t your body that was crap at delivery, it was the Dr. I know I would (and will) get on my husband`s ass if he leaves the delivery for anything (Ryohei needed sleep? yeah right, if you have to push out the baby, he can at least stay awake for it).

Pulling out the placenta? Whats wrong with that man? All the books I have read have all mentioned that it should come out on its own and not be forced out so that nothing in there gets messed up.

I second the pictures.

Holy shit crap thank god Ryu was coming out first. That is not how a birth should be. I’m not a ‘birth is so empowering’ type of women – definatley in the just get the baby out camp but god damn it – three days of labor, no husband to hold your hand and the doctor grabbing your placenta out….

My god. I am in utter shock at what you had to go through. I sometimes have pyromaniac (??) tendincies – would you like me to come up and set doctor on fire??

God, ouch, shit and more obscenities.

Even though we have never met I am so proud of you for having come out the otherside of something like that – sorry if that sounds pathetically motherly or whatever – but you really are amazing Sarah. BG will never be able to live that birth story down.

I know it’s hard at the start to enjoy all the baby moments. Lack of sleep / tears of frustration… Those first weeks are hard. If fact I have a secret fear that the first eighteen years are hard. Ryu is just getting to very very cute and smiley stage. No shitting in the middle of the night, getting a big feed at every sitting, neck getting stronger rah rah. That will be Sakura in a few weeks 🙂

Having your mum there will be great. Take advantage of it. Let her do as much as she wants -whether that is cleaning the skirting boards with a toothbrush or just sitting with you and helping with Sakura.

Big hugs to you both.

Welcome home! I am so sorry that you had the birth experience that you did. I agree with the other commenters that your body wasn’t crap, your doctor, midwives and nurses were crap in making the decisions that they did. You did wonderful getting Sakura out! From the photos I saw on Nay’s blog, she is beautiful, thriving and that is all due to your body taking care of her for 9 (10) months and then bringing her into the world.

Oh and feeling like you’re doing everything wrong?? Been there!! I remember thinking from about DD’s 3rd month that it’s amazing that she survived. The first 2 months are the hardest because of the sleep-depravation, but my advice (if you want to take it!) is to sleep when she sleeps. Don’t worry about making dinner, cleaning the house or anything else, just focus on being with Sakura. And take all the help you can from your mom and Ryohei.

I’ll be thinking of you!!

I don’t know if I want to have kids now. ;__;

A big old ditto to what everyone else said. Your body was NOT crap at giving birth, your doctor was crap. Do allow yourself to mourn the experience and the loss of the birth you wanted, but don’t blame yourself for how badly it went. When you’re ready for #2 you’ll have this experience to draw on and I’m sure you’ll never put yourself in that doctors hands again! I am sure that left to its own devices, or at least in the hands of a less assinine doctor, your body would perform splendidly at giving birth.

Sakura is a beautiful, healthy baby, and that is of course the number one important thing. We all feel incompetant at first, but you’ll get the hang of it, and you’ll have your mom there soon. You and Ryohei are doing a great job already, and I’m sure by the end of the 2 weeks you’ll feel like experts … or at least advanced beginners. 😉

Sara, I have been following your other blog but I couldn’t post on their since I don’t have an account. It might have been tough for you, but you are definitely a strong women for getting through the whole ordeal! Sounds terrible what they put you through both before, during and after the birth. The next few weeks will be a challenge as you and Sakura get to know each other and figure out a routine that suits you both, but you will get there. Enjoy the time with your Mum and get as much rest as possible when you can!

Wow. I’m appalled at the choices the medical staff made. And I am in awe of the job that you did. You were a tough Mama and I have no doubts that you did everything to the absolute best of your ability. And it sounds like you 3 are doing great at home. Good for you! Congratulations again! I’m so relieved for you that it’s all over.

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