Once Upon a Tanbo

Archive for the ‘BG’ Category

Final

Posted on: July 25, 2009

Another visit to the clinic… always a pleasent experience… I really have come to equate that place with loathing. I don’t really think my Dr. likes me much — I am guessing mostly because of the weight issue which reared its ugly head again today… surprise surprise.

BP was fine – its gone down ever since I had my “little holiday” 2 weeks ago. Weight is up 2 kg… not impressed myself but sure wasn’t thrilled with the red pen which circled it in my boshitecho like I had gotten bad marks on a test. The doctor proceded to annouce this to Ryohei probably thinking he’d yell at me or make me feel like shit as well – but hell the man bought me a chocolate cake last night.

I’ve gained 20kg in total… just thought I’d throw that out there for anyone whoses interested in knowing just how fat I am. Of course… I think some of the 2 kg has to be water weight. I’ve barely been hungry this week – oh I am sure my Dr. can’t wait to get me back on the hospital diet food.

Which he will get his chance starting tomorrow. After his oh so gentle… (not) check of how things are going down there he pronouced me woefully unprogressed. How about that FAT and body doesn’t want to work to push huge half gaijin baby out.. he says I’ve made very little progress in a week. So that means I get the pleasure of induction time starting tomorrow morning. But no… my sadistic Dr. wants to do a 2 day process.. which means I’m not getting the meds tomorrow just the “dialation stick” or whatever the crap it is and then “go from there.” Which pretty much means guess what we are admitting you but you get to sit around and suffer with a stick shoved up your woo-ha all day before we really do anything.

Oh – and since Ryohei “can’t” miss his festival work tomorrow he won’t be there to experience the fun for himself. Once again me alone in the clinic – hmm… this situation seems so familar. Don’t worry he’s taking Monday off and then I guess he has two days of “birth leave” but hilariously enough the baby should be there by then so the one day I’m utterly alone – I’m utterly alone.

For all my haughty taughty talking about the baby being out by Monday – I’m actually quite scared and disappointed about how its going to be taking place. I didn’t particuarly want to be induced (due to my massive weight apparently!!! apparently a size 12 American can’t push out a roughly 8lb baby) Ryohei asked if he could wait to start the induction to Monday but apparently NOW time is of the essence… watch out I might eat my way through a whole McDonalds in the apprx 18 hours before they admit me. And you can BET I will be back on the low salt, low calorie diet although once the baby is here I am NOT going to stand for it… I’m not really standing for it now – but whatever. Most of my fight is gone at least for now. Once the baby is out they’ve done their job and I can don’t really care to be in good graces anymore and I WILL be leaving early – by Sunday and NOT on a diet. I’m going to be breast feeding so I don’t think the 1600 calories will be cutting it.

Did I mention I really hate my doctor? If they were going to induce me after all they should have just gotten it over with 2 weeks ago or even last week — but no lets let the baby get big and painful before we induce with the medicines to give horrible contractions with no pain relief available. Oh my “big baby” is measuring 3200 kg according to the echo but “that can’t be right” she’s going to apparently pop out much bigger than that…

So.. anyways… I guess she’ll be here sometime tomorrow if I’m lucky July 27th if I’m not.

I was a wreck again after the appointment by the way but Ryohei did some damage control which is why this post is interjected with some humor in between the bitterness and disappointment.

He’s now driving back to his parents to get the car looked at. I told him I don’t want to hear about any of the costs or insurance or anything. I just DON’T want to know right now. The car is still running fine it just looks like crap… it was a really pretty car too 😦 Ryohei said if it costs too much he’s just going to have them tidy it up and we will get to have a ghetto fabulous banged up car for the next 5 years or until whenever one of us wins the lottery and has the spare money for repairs.

Oh actually one more thing – the doctors parting blow. To Ryohei – you shouldn’t let her eat anything today. Wow… not that I really have any desire to eat anything being how its so hot and my stomach doesn’t feel good anyways – but honestly. How can all this not be punishment for my weight? Like I said after I am released I do have a post partum 1 month check up but after that I will NEVER be going back there again.

All good and well to say that but as of tomorrow early in the morning the fun will begin. I guess I’ll post on my old blog for any updates…

Right now I’m just sort of wondering what to do with my last day of freedom for a long long time… its not fun waiting but I have to say that KNOWING today is the last day is not a piece of cake either – esp knowing that the next 48 hours will probably be some of the worst of my life (how many times have I thought *THAT* in the last 2 weeks?!)

Anyways… until next week…

PS – Induction in Japan stories appreciated… I’d like a bit of an idea what to expect considering the explanation I got today was vague at best. Seems a bit different from western processes though 😦 Surprise surprise…

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Sigh

Posted on: July 22, 2009

I guess you can tell its getting close when the blues sink in like this. I was up until about 4am last night due to wriggly baby and non-comfortable sleeping position – the last two hours of which I was thisclose to crying my eyes out in frustration.

This morning I wake up to an email from my mom with a picture attached of her friend and her friends new grandbaby (which I might add was due after mine) Happy for her friend, I really am… but not so smart considering the circumstances. I don’t want to see or hear about ANYONE having their baby before me at this point. I go to my baby board with mixed feelings as I’m curious to whats happening but every “I’m in Labor!!” or “I had my baby” post is punch in the gut.

So ok.. I thought I would be able to hold out longer but I am annoyed, Po’ed, frustrated… pick an emotion I’m probably partially feeling it right now. I can’t believe I haven’t had any sort of signs at all that labor and getting this all over with is at least a bit near… I’ve heard not everyone DOES get them but at least it would be like some sort of clue to what is going on in the never ending last weeks of pregnancy labyrinth.

I mostly just want to get the whole pain/birth/hospital stay/invasion of privacy by bizillions of nurses/dealing with crap Japanese for a week straight over with. I want to never have to go to my clinic again. Every “old wives” tale I’ve tried hasn’t even given me the slightest cramp… and I’ve started to go down the list a bit. Nothing short of drugs or a scalpel is going to remove this very comfy and ACTIVE baby from me or so it seems…

Part of me wishes she had been breach or something so that I could have just had a c-section and gotten it all over with. Any sort of “birthplan” or whatever would be gladly traded if I could just get the da** thing over with and SEE my baby and NOT have a huge bowling ball attachment growing from my stomach.

All this and I’m only a day over… This is going to be a fun.. fun… week.

D is for…

Posted on: July 21, 2009

Duedate~~~ woo hoo as of 20 minutes ago I am officially 40 weeks pregnant. Seems hard to believe that about 38 weeks ago that little second line turned pink and BG was already on her way…

But no time to be sentimental yet… I feel like I should hang on tight as this ride seems to be FAR from over. I’m just crossing my fingers that this is the week and that I’ll be with my little girl this time next week. I have a good feeling about the end of the week so I will try to hold my cheerful attitude until then but after that point I think I will become VERY CRANKY week overdue Sarah and all hell will break loose… and I’ll probably end up being induced which I would PREFER to avoid. So any slippery slidey baby coming out vibes would be much appreciated.

Its so depressing to read my baby board and see girls who are due after me or around the same time having their babies and others are talking about having contractions and bloody show… to be honest I have no idea what a contraction even feels like. I’ve had a few spots of menstral like cramps but certainly haven’t felt anything close to a muscular contraction I must have had Braxton-Hicks by now but I’ve never really noticed them at all. And everything still seems to be sealed up tight (without going into too many gory details)

I guess since I haven’t had any signs really it sort of worries me… the baby is engaged but I don’t know how far along that is in the impending birth scale. Of course Dr. Stupid doesn’t bother to tell me how effaced or dilated I am… although I saw him making some markings on a paper after my internal check (which I still hate…) but he just shared that there was no way she would be coming on my due date …

So I guess this is it though… it can’t be anymore than 2 weeks until she is here hopefully less than that. it honestly doesn’t feel real… I don’t think it will feel real until I can actually see her. 😦 Ryohei and I tell her all the time we are waiting to meet her and want her to come out, but she seems to want to do things on her own time. She’s been wriggling around quite a bit today as if to say – “I’m quite happy and comfortable in here thanks.” Happy to be of service my dear but there is soon going to be no more room in the inn…

My recent posts have been so pathetic… and all the websites say don’t think about the waiting too much – but really?! when you can’t do anything except waddle around and bump into doors/closets/walls with your hugely expanded girth what else are you supposed to think about. Doesn’t help that we’ve got her bed and stuff all set up in the room so everytime I walk in I get a look at my daughter’s empty bed, unused clothes and blankets, and yet unplayed with toys. At least after this I will never be pregnant for the first time again and if/when we have our next baby hopefully I’ll be occupied with BG enough that the wait won’t be this excrutiating. First times are usually the hardest… right?

Anyways Ryohei and I had a fairly nice day today.. perhaps our last non-work day as a couple. We washed his car in the afternoon since it was nice out and then came back and decided to get 100 yen revolving sushi as a last hurrah! It was very very yummy and nice to go out to a restaurant with just the two of us since lately I (or he) have been cooking dinner everynight. I like Nagaoka a lot… its not as big or convenient as Kobe – but its got pretty much everything we need in reasonable walking distance – I see a lot of the baby weight coming off from frequent walks to the station/stores with BG once it starts to cool off come Sept. 🙂

Anyways completely off the subject but figured I should interject a bit of happy and positive into the whole “where the heck is BG?!” .. 🙂

I can’t wait until she’s here and all this will feel like it was worth it… right now its just a hellish waiting game.

But just for a day.. Ryohei’s friend has his wedding today about 10 minutes away from the “family home” so I agreed to come and spend the night here so that he can “drink” at the wedding – yes I am a super nice wife. Doesn’t really matter anyways since still no action on the baby front. Not a cramp, not a niggle, nothing…

My due date is on Tuesday so unless there is some major action I foresee being one of the lucky “overdue” type Mommies. Just HOPING that she is out by the next up coming weekend as things start getting complicated with guests coming and long hospital stays and limited transportation etc from next week’s Monday/Tuesday onwards… (27th/28th+)

Right now I am “hiding” out in Ryohei’s room again. He’s already gone which means its just me and the inlaws and I don’t fancy talking with them until I’m called downstairs for dinner. Ryohei won’t be back until at least 10pm… and I really would prefer not to have a conversation about 1. the baby 2. my hospital stay 3. how I am feeling – so here I will stay. I’ve been really tired anyways and had a nice(?) two hour nap which is probably going to make it harder to sleep tonight but oh well…

Since tomorrow is another holiday we had semi-plans to go to the beach area (about 40 min drive or so from Nagaoka) but it has been constantly raining so maybe not. Haha.. of course tomorrow is “Umi no Hi” or Beach Day so I’m sure a ton of others would have the same idea.

So I guess thats it… I feel so run down and tired. Not sure if its the bad weather, preparing for birth, or something else. I think I am getting to the point where it really feels like this whole baby business is just a myth and that its not going to happen… its a very weird feeling. Altho she has gotten a bit less active – I have a feeling she will be here before or around this time next week… but its hard to imagine it AND the whole process of her getting here.

Anyways thats it I guess… another hour or so to hide in “the cave” before being forced to spend an evening chit chatting (alone) with PIL. At this point I could really just do without it – Ryohei better appreciate this 😛

Ahh good old 80s music… got my internet radio on and listening to “We’ve Got the Beat” by the Go-gos… I was still really little in the 80s but like many of my generation grew up listening to it and love it..

I would be up and doing a little dancing if it didn’t feel like I would topple forward on my bump and face like an uncordinated turtle.

Last night was AWFUL because I couldn’t sleep 😦 Oh my gosh I turned and tossed for hours… I have no idea why I get so uncomfortable at night 😦 During the day BG doesn’t do too much even if I’m lying down but something happens between 11pm – 3am that makes laying down and sleeping impossible. I guess thats why napping has been a life saver lately… its the only time I can really sleep.

I woke up with fun gas like cramps this morning which of course I hoped would be something else but nope – just some silly cramps and I now feel fine. I must be a masochist waiting for all the pain to start – but its more of just getting it over with than anything. I am a rip off the band aid quick type girl but just feel like I’m staring and staring at the fricken bandaid wondering when I WILL be able to take it off and get my horrible day of pain and yuckiness over with.

I’ve been occupying my time with cooking for sure… and I can bet you that there will be a weight gain on the scales tomorrow at my check up 😦 And I can bet the Dr. will be lecturing me on my weight again.. oh BG why couldn’t you have come BEFORE my check up 😦 I honestly HATE going to the clinic here because of the fear mongering and criticism. Another reason I just wish this was all over and the baby was out so they could stop trying to be so controlling of my personal life… sigh

Its just a huge distraction to worry about being hospitialized or “talked down to” again on top of the whole pushing a baby out thing… extra pressure that I don’t want and the longer BG is inside the more visits I have to endure. Starting to think this kid might hate me already… and jeez I haven’t denied her sweets at the grocery store or cartoon character studded shoes yet 😛

So I guess thats my update for the day… more of the same really? You guys bored yet? I sure am…

A bit more action but nothing that warrents a new post – figure I might as well record it here while I can…

EDIT 1pm: Menstral like cramps in lower pelvis (not very painful -like a 2 or 3) sort of radiating around to the back as well.. I’ll have some lunch and see if they go away or not…

1:44pm – Well it was fun while it lasted… cramps etc seem to have died down (AGAIN) Will update again if anything else interesting happens… 😦

3:21pm – took a nap… woke up to pains being back plus very very heavy feeling in pelvis… pains are a bit worse than before bordeing on a 4 I guess.. trying to get a bit more sleep so will give napping another try and update afterwards… still not convinced this is the beginning… but these are the most painful cramps/pressure i’ve had thus far

3:39pm ok so apparently updating my blog curses me as once again pains pretty much disappeared.. still sort of heavy feeling which makes me think maybe shes moved down a bit…

besides cramping/pressure no other “Sign” type stuff.. still progress is progress i guess…

So this time last week I was crying my eyes out listening to some unknown woman push out a baby a couple of meters away from me… I guess a week has gone by fairly quickly although I’m not looking forward to going back for my checkup on Saturday. I guess I was optomistically hopefully that the baby would come before then – well she has two days to get herself here but very very doubtful.

Actually feeling a bit annoyed because if she comes next week (like I have a feeling she is) Ryohei has work both Saturday and Sunday which he told me he will not be taking off so pretty much its just going to be BG and I at the hospital with no Daddy around.. yay typical Japanese family!! Figures I’m giving birth right in the middle of the busy komuin festival season… which means that Ryohei has lots of weekend work coming up in the next month. He has to work during Obon as well… once again another matsuri/festival.

Who knows.. maybe it will be even later when she comes… I was 10 days late, Ryohei was 2…

Today was awfully hot – it has been relatively cool the last week from the rain, but today was a scorcher… it got up to about 35 degrees in the afternoon and I managed to knock down the screen door and was afraid of bugs coming in so I got to stay upstairs the whole afternoon trying to get by with fan alone and not use the A/C altho I did give in once or twice for about an hour.

Anyways Ryohei had a feel of my ankles and legs and proclaimed they were a bit swollen again. Surprise surprise consider it was so damn hot and we had just walked around the home store for about an hour… and then he brought up good old dr. idiots calorie control idea again. God I hate my Dr. for making my husband think I’m a fat cow who has brought all my end of pregnancy misfortune on myself for not being able the resist the occasional ice cream and cheese… I had a nice talk with a (yet unmet) friend in Nagano who made me feel better about having gained “all this weight.” Just sucks to have people get me so down on it… its not like I really WANTED this either. 😦 I’ve had so many people say to me “oh my dr. was really good about the weight gain” seems unfair I got a Dr. who can’t see past the strict “less than 10kg” limit. BTW – way past 10kg at this point 😦 I would LOVE to be back to my pre-birth weight or lower…. believe me. But there isn’t much I can do now besides get rid of the baby/placenta/waters/extra blood/extra boobies… etc.

Oh well.. it just depressed me that Ryohei brought it up. He’s never really been controlling about what I’ve eaten or anything – and he’s still not really but I can feel him looking at me questioningly when I tell him I’ll have a cookie too or whatever… sigh…

All this crap really has made end of pregnancy a nightmare. I just really really want it to be over with so doctors and husbands and whoever else will just leave me and my “Fat ass” alone… and let the magic of breast feeding help me shrink down a bit I guess.

I guess thats it really… I guess it doesn’t help still no signs of impending labor or anything – doesn’t feel like shes moved down much at all – I’m still getting kneed/elbowed in the midstomach… blah… I’m not looking forward to Saturday but I refuse to be “institutionalized” again so there better be no more talk of that.

sigh… night all

Ok BG – time to hurry up…

Not that I’m really excited to go back to the clinic of doom for another long stay, but I think I’ve had about enough of the sleepless nights, sore days, and the waiting for you!

I had a horrible time sleeping last night… not sure why but my heartburn was back in FULL force. I think it might be due to the panfriend pork… so tonights dinner is oil free. It was awful I was probably up until at least 3 or so when I finally gave in to take TUMS since I heard they can constipate you I have tried not to take them as much but they always seem to work when I do – so when I was sick of tossing and turning (I actually woke Ryohei up – he thought I was in labor lol) for hours I took them and they did their thing and i finally got some rest – altho I ended up waking up at 8:30 anyways.

We were pretty much out of groceries so after doing some dishes I took my “eco-bag” and got in my daily exercise by going to the grocery store and taking almost an hour walking around and figuring what I wanted to do for dinner. Eating a reduced salt diet in Japan and trying to plan meals is ridiculous due to all the salty seasonings here – miso, soy sauce, salt… the list goes on… I ended up getting some kabocha (pumpkin) to boil it but overcooked it (;_;) so now we have a sort of pumpkin mush but we will be eating it anyways… my MIL makes awesome kabocha nimono (boiled pumpkin) so I need to find out how she does it. It was one of the few things I LOVED and could always eat… she makes a sweet version as opposed to the salty ones I’ve had before…

I also made a small batch of peanut butter cookies from a package mix I had lying around. The difference between my new oven and my old convection one in Kobe is amazing. The cookies turned out awesome, perfectly baked, chewy, and just the right size… I am REALLY looking forward to baking – it is my stress release but am trying to hold off as money is incredibly tight – even more so with the hospital bill looming – and we need to save our money for “real food” and utilities etc. I’m so sad that the money Ryohei’s parents gave us as a birth gift is pretty much all going to go towards paying for my stupid 3 day stay in the hospital 😦 Not how I was picturing using it…

Anyways it rained for pretty much most of the afternoon and the forecast for this week says rain and more rain – despite being the rainy season we’ve had very little rain in Niigata until a couple days ago.. I guess it just took a while to get here because it seems to be in full force now.

Not very thrilled with the rain since it means that I have to stay in the apartment as opposed to labor inducing walking around. Not really looking forward to the pain, but would prefer to have baby sooner than later – kind of a getting it over with feeling. I’ll by 39 weeks tomorrow but no sort of action at all 😦 I do get a few random pains but they always go away before I can even really get excited about them 😛

Oh and looks like we have to hold off on Harry Potter until Friday because the only showing that Ryohei can attend starts past 8:30 and he says that since its such a long movie a weekday night is out… So I guess we shall see… I have had it in my head that BG will be here between the 17th and 24th (this Friday and next Friday) so we will see if I am right! I hope she’s not too overdue though as theres a lot of stuff going on at the end of the month and I would love to be out of the clinic by then esp. by the time my Mom comes on Aug. 4th.

Either way I KNOW she will be here this time next month and its a bit scary!!! Most of the upcoming posts should be pretty much baby related – which is boring if you aren’t interested in that type of stuff I know – sort of the most prominent thing on my mind though so don’t say you haven’t been warned ;P