Once Upon a Tanbo

Ok. So I guess, at least for now, I’m ready to post – at least a little bit about whats been going on the past couple weeks. I just have not had the motivation to post lately, this past month has just been filled with crap crap crap. So much so that the three repetitions of the word crap may not cover it. But – since there was FINALLY something good that happened today, I guess that I might as well post it here.

As of this point Ryohei has taken 3 of the 6 exams that he’s planned. He still has 3 more to go, one this week, one next week and then the last one (which isn’t for another month or so). Today we got the first set of results back, and found out that he passed the written test for the Court Office Exam. However, he passed by the skin of his teeth… literally by 1 point, which means that he has to get one of the top interview scores to pass the whole test and be hired. But – that aside, I am very proud of him for passing the first test. Only about one third of the people who took it passed so it is definitely a good achievement for him, and I think that it has given him some new confidence (thank goodness… because both of us were running empty on that for a while)

Within the next month or so we should know the results of most of his first round written tests. After that he’ll be whisked around the country for interviews that will take place in either Tokyo, Osaka, or Niigata depending on which tests he passes. So – yes finally a little bit of good news. Even if he doesn’t get hired in the end this year, passing this test even with a borderline score after only about 5 months of studying is truly impressive in my book, and if it comes to that point, I think that next year will be no issue at all.

If only I could say things were going the same for me. It seems that I’ve had such a long spell of disappointment lasting for nearly a month now. Ever since trying to branch out into freelance translation I’ve been knocked back and forth emotionally. There have been two or three days now where I’ve just broken down out of frustration and self-doubt. I did sign on with an agency, and complete one project, but I was told that there were a couple careless mistakes in my translation. It feels so frustrating to me, especially since it was my first project with the company, and although I’ve been told that they will offer me more work in the future, the project I had been given was not difficult at all and could have been a very easy chance to impress them. So, my self-confidence is really at rock bottom.

Also I had spoken about my “personal project” earlier. I did fail it at, but I was given another chance and I’m still waiting to hear back on the results of my resubmission. However I’m starting to give up hope as its been yet another week and I haven’t heard anything back. Up until now, I’ve usually had such good “luck” and the timing of finding this opportunity was more than perfect – so thinking that everything happens for a reason, I really thought things would just work out. I guess that life just isn’t that easy.

Because of this for better or worse… I feel like I have discovered what I would like to do when I finish my current job. The road to getting there will be really difficult though and will require luck/good timing as well as my own efforts and skills. I am not a patient person at all when it comes for waiting for things that I really want, so I feel like actions need to be taken now, now, now… Maybe this is a lesson to me to just slow down. But I really, really wish that something would just go right.

I wish I had something better to talk about. My heart is just so heavy lately. Sometimes it’s so hard to believe that I’m living in my own life – is this really it? I really hope that right now is just temporary and that things will get better from here on out.