Once Upon a Tanbo

Archive for the ‘pregnancy’ Category

Ok.. technically I should be sleeping… I think I’ve gotten maybe 2-3 hours  (per 24) since Sakura was born. BUT – I figure I am just going to be waking up in another hour to repeat the ‘taking care of a newborn’ process so instead I’ll type out my birthstory.

Hilariously enough there is absolutely NOTHING natural about my birthstory… there was pretty much assistance at every turn. Let me break it down for you…

July 28th 5:00am

After then night of my horrible first failed induction I called Ryohei begging him to let me come home and just wait for a natural birth. If you read my other blog you know that I had horrible contractions on pitocin but when I didn’t dilate past 3cm the assmaster (doctor) decided to pull the plug on the whole operation leaving me with absolutely no hope that the baby would be born and a night full of medicine induced “after contractions.”  I was convinced there would be no change the second day so when they tried to hook me up to the IV for the pitocin again at 6:30 am I tried to refuse but to no avail… so there I was stuck in bed again. And of course I was strapped to a baby moniter and IV the whole time so there were very little labor options besides lying on my side or back…

10:00 AM

Was having VERY painful contractions by now. Thankfully Ryohei was there BUT the stupid IDIOT midwife said that since he looked tired he should go take a rest in the car so that he could be there to support me later on.. UMM HELLO bitch.. the one who needed a rest was the one hooked up to drugs shoving a 3600 gram baby down and out… Anyways she pretty much made Ryohei leave me so I was laboring alone for close to an hour and a half while he got to sleep in the f***ing car. He came back around 11:30 and just then I was called in for my “mid-way” exam. They saw I was at 6cm but the baby was really high up so they decided to bring me out of the labor room and into the delivery to break my water for me.

12:00 PM

Brought to the delivery room and told Ryohei can’t go in. Infact… he doesn’t see me again until about 1 minute before Sakura is born.. (more on this later) They break my water and wait for me to dilate all the way up to 10 cm. At this point I’m strapped into the evil doom chair with stirrups and on my back with pitocin induced labor cramps so in absolute and utter agony with no one in the room. They were doing a surgery on the other side of the curtain so all I could do was just breath and eventually start pushing for 2 hours.

2:20 PM

I was still at 8cm so assmaster decided to open me up all the way and used something or other to dialate me to 10cm and then I was told to start pushing. Pushing took an hour but wasn’t as painful as I thought maybe some of the endorphines had hit me by then that and I was begging them to tell me it would stop hurting once the baby was out… but no reply… I really was pretty much alone.. no one helping me to breath or push or anything.

3:15 PM (ish)

Baby is moving down slowly but still pretty high up. Assmaster decides that he needs to vacuum her out. So… at about 3:20 (yes two minutes before she was born) they FINALLY call Ryohei in from the labor room where he has been waiting over 3 hours and then with two uses of the vacuum and some chokichoki action (;_;) Sakura was out!! I didn’t see her come out as I was closing my eyes.. Ryohei described her as a big blue ball…

3:30 PM

They clean up Sakura and take her away… I don’t get to touch her or breastfeed her or anything.. Now is time to deliver the placeta instead… They try to feel around and push it out but to no avail.. its apparently up near my ribs but the doctor gets called away so I’m stuck there for over an hour with them trying to figure out how to get my placenta out and finally after an hour and a half of prodding pushing and general pain the doctors reaches up INTO my uterus and pulls of the placenta. I don’t know if it was because my birth hormones were starting to wear off or not but it was the most painful part of the whole process. I was absolutely screaming. A human hand DOES NOT belong up inside your uterus grabbing out the placenta. He then proceeded to start stitching me up… with NO pain reliver. Now lots of people told me they didn’t feel being cut or stitched but i sure as hell did. I start screaming again and FINALLY they gave me a shot of pain reliver down there which helped me get through the last part…

It was almost 2 hours after Sakura was born that I got to see and hold her. Thankfully Ryohei was with her most of the time while I was being basically manhandled in the delivery room.

It was NOT a pleasent birth experience at all. My stitches were so incredibly painful and I lost a ton of blood and had to be monitered. Like I said before it was an incredibly unnatural birth. Lets go over what I didn’t do on my own.

Contractions – due to pitocin

Water breaking – done by doctor

Full dialation – done by doctor

Pushing the baby out – vacuumed out

Pushing the placenta out – grabbed out

Yup… apparently my body was crap at giving birth…

Anyways the last week has been a blur of no sleeping, lots of breastfeeding struggles, and hormonal ups and downs like never before. Sakura is adorable.. when she isn’t screaming at me… but it is incredibly tiring. I will post more about the clinic (which was much better than the birth experience – although I suppose most things would be)

Anyways I’m expected a wake up call very soon – I almost cried leaving the clinic today because I was so scared to being her home. But Ryohei is here today and has been really helpful and then we’ll be alone tomorrow but my Mom with be here from around 8pm and stay for the next 2 weeks. Really really glad she is coming as being SO depended on is tiring and draining and… my baby is SO cute… but I feel like I am so unprepared and doing everything wrong. Gotta love the first time Mom thing…



Posted on: July 25, 2009

Another visit to the clinic… always a pleasent experience… I really have come to equate that place with loathing. I don’t really think my Dr. likes me much — I am guessing mostly because of the weight issue which reared its ugly head again today… surprise surprise.

BP was fine – its gone down ever since I had my “little holiday” 2 weeks ago. Weight is up 2 kg… not impressed myself but sure wasn’t thrilled with the red pen which circled it in my boshitecho like I had gotten bad marks on a test. The doctor proceded to annouce this to Ryohei probably thinking he’d yell at me or make me feel like shit as well – but hell the man bought me a chocolate cake last night.

I’ve gained 20kg in total… just thought I’d throw that out there for anyone whoses interested in knowing just how fat I am. Of course… I think some of the 2 kg has to be water weight. I’ve barely been hungry this week – oh I am sure my Dr. can’t wait to get me back on the hospital diet food.

Which he will get his chance starting tomorrow. After his oh so gentle… (not) check of how things are going down there he pronouced me woefully unprogressed. How about that FAT and body doesn’t want to work to push huge half gaijin baby out.. he says I’ve made very little progress in a week. So that means I get the pleasure of induction time starting tomorrow morning. But no… my sadistic Dr. wants to do a 2 day process.. which means I’m not getting the meds tomorrow just the “dialation stick” or whatever the crap it is and then “go from there.” Which pretty much means guess what we are admitting you but you get to sit around and suffer with a stick shoved up your woo-ha all day before we really do anything.

Oh – and since Ryohei “can’t” miss his festival work tomorrow he won’t be there to experience the fun for himself. Once again me alone in the clinic – hmm… this situation seems so familar. Don’t worry he’s taking Monday off and then I guess he has two days of “birth leave” but hilariously enough the baby should be there by then so the one day I’m utterly alone – I’m utterly alone.

For all my haughty taughty talking about the baby being out by Monday – I’m actually quite scared and disappointed about how its going to be taking place. I didn’t particuarly want to be induced (due to my massive weight apparently!!! apparently a size 12 American can’t push out a roughly 8lb baby) Ryohei asked if he could wait to start the induction to Monday but apparently NOW time is of the essence… watch out I might eat my way through a whole McDonalds in the apprx 18 hours before they admit me. And you can BET I will be back on the low salt, low calorie diet although once the baby is here I am NOT going to stand for it… I’m not really standing for it now – but whatever. Most of my fight is gone at least for now. Once the baby is out they’ve done their job and I can don’t really care to be in good graces anymore and I WILL be leaving early – by Sunday and NOT on a diet. I’m going to be breast feeding so I don’t think the 1600 calories will be cutting it.

Did I mention I really hate my doctor? If they were going to induce me after all they should have just gotten it over with 2 weeks ago or even last week — but no lets let the baby get big and painful before we induce with the medicines to give horrible contractions with no pain relief available. Oh my “big baby” is measuring 3200 kg according to the echo but “that can’t be right” she’s going to apparently pop out much bigger than that…

So.. anyways… I guess she’ll be here sometime tomorrow if I’m lucky July 27th if I’m not.

I was a wreck again after the appointment by the way but Ryohei did some damage control which is why this post is interjected with some humor in between the bitterness and disappointment.

He’s now driving back to his parents to get the car looked at. I told him I don’t want to hear about any of the costs or insurance or anything. I just DON’T want to know right now. The car is still running fine it just looks like crap… it was a really pretty car too 😦 Ryohei said if it costs too much he’s just going to have them tidy it up and we will get to have a ghetto fabulous banged up car for the next 5 years or until whenever one of us wins the lottery and has the spare money for repairs.

Oh actually one more thing – the doctors parting blow. To Ryohei – you shouldn’t let her eat anything today. Wow… not that I really have any desire to eat anything being how its so hot and my stomach doesn’t feel good anyways – but honestly. How can all this not be punishment for my weight? Like I said after I am released I do have a post partum 1 month check up but after that I will NEVER be going back there again.

All good and well to say that but as of tomorrow early in the morning the fun will begin. I guess I’ll post on my old blog for any updates…

Right now I’m just sort of wondering what to do with my last day of freedom for a long long time… its not fun waiting but I have to say that KNOWING today is the last day is not a piece of cake either – esp knowing that the next 48 hours will probably be some of the worst of my life (how many times have I thought *THAT* in the last 2 weeks?!)

Anyways… until next week…

PS – Induction in Japan stories appreciated… I’d like a bit of an idea what to expect considering the explanation I got today was vague at best. Seems a bit different from western processes though 😦 Surprise surprise…

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Posted on: July 22, 2009

I guess you can tell its getting close when the blues sink in like this. I was up until about 4am last night due to wriggly baby and non-comfortable sleeping position – the last two hours of which I was thisclose to crying my eyes out in frustration.

This morning I wake up to an email from my mom with a picture attached of her friend and her friends new grandbaby (which I might add was due after mine) Happy for her friend, I really am… but not so smart considering the circumstances. I don’t want to see or hear about ANYONE having their baby before me at this point. I go to my baby board with mixed feelings as I’m curious to whats happening but every “I’m in Labor!!” or “I had my baby” post is punch in the gut.

So ok.. I thought I would be able to hold out longer but I am annoyed, Po’ed, frustrated… pick an emotion I’m probably partially feeling it right now. I can’t believe I haven’t had any sort of signs at all that labor and getting this all over with is at least a bit near… I’ve heard not everyone DOES get them but at least it would be like some sort of clue to what is going on in the never ending last weeks of pregnancy labyrinth.

I mostly just want to get the whole pain/birth/hospital stay/invasion of privacy by bizillions of nurses/dealing with crap Japanese for a week straight over with. I want to never have to go to my clinic again. Every “old wives” tale I’ve tried hasn’t even given me the slightest cramp… and I’ve started to go down the list a bit. Nothing short of drugs or a scalpel is going to remove this very comfy and ACTIVE baby from me or so it seems…

Part of me wishes she had been breach or something so that I could have just had a c-section and gotten it all over with. Any sort of “birthplan” or whatever would be gladly traded if I could just get the da** thing over with and SEE my baby and NOT have a huge bowling ball attachment growing from my stomach.

All this and I’m only a day over… This is going to be a fun.. fun… week.

D is for…

Posted on: July 21, 2009

Duedate~~~ woo hoo as of 20 minutes ago I am officially 40 weeks pregnant. Seems hard to believe that about 38 weeks ago that little second line turned pink and BG was already on her way…

But no time to be sentimental yet… I feel like I should hang on tight as this ride seems to be FAR from over. I’m just crossing my fingers that this is the week and that I’ll be with my little girl this time next week. I have a good feeling about the end of the week so I will try to hold my cheerful attitude until then but after that point I think I will become VERY CRANKY week overdue Sarah and all hell will break loose… and I’ll probably end up being induced which I would PREFER to avoid. So any slippery slidey baby coming out vibes would be much appreciated.

Its so depressing to read my baby board and see girls who are due after me or around the same time having their babies and others are talking about having contractions and bloody show… to be honest I have no idea what a contraction even feels like. I’ve had a few spots of menstral like cramps but certainly haven’t felt anything close to a muscular contraction I must have had Braxton-Hicks by now but I’ve never really noticed them at all. And everything still seems to be sealed up tight (without going into too many gory details)

I guess since I haven’t had any signs really it sort of worries me… the baby is engaged but I don’t know how far along that is in the impending birth scale. Of course Dr. Stupid doesn’t bother to tell me how effaced or dilated I am… although I saw him making some markings on a paper after my internal check (which I still hate…) but he just shared that there was no way she would be coming on my due date …

So I guess this is it though… it can’t be anymore than 2 weeks until she is here hopefully less than that. it honestly doesn’t feel real… I don’t think it will feel real until I can actually see her. 😦 Ryohei and I tell her all the time we are waiting to meet her and want her to come out, but she seems to want to do things on her own time. She’s been wriggling around quite a bit today as if to say – “I’m quite happy and comfortable in here thanks.” Happy to be of service my dear but there is soon going to be no more room in the inn…

My recent posts have been so pathetic… and all the websites say don’t think about the waiting too much – but really?! when you can’t do anything except waddle around and bump into doors/closets/walls with your hugely expanded girth what else are you supposed to think about. Doesn’t help that we’ve got her bed and stuff all set up in the room so everytime I walk in I get a look at my daughter’s empty bed, unused clothes and blankets, and yet unplayed with toys. At least after this I will never be pregnant for the first time again and if/when we have our next baby hopefully I’ll be occupied with BG enough that the wait won’t be this excrutiating. First times are usually the hardest… right?

Anyways Ryohei and I had a fairly nice day today.. perhaps our last non-work day as a couple. We washed his car in the afternoon since it was nice out and then came back and decided to get 100 yen revolving sushi as a last hurrah! It was very very yummy and nice to go out to a restaurant with just the two of us since lately I (or he) have been cooking dinner everynight. I like Nagaoka a lot… its not as big or convenient as Kobe – but its got pretty much everything we need in reasonable walking distance – I see a lot of the baby weight coming off from frequent walks to the station/stores with BG once it starts to cool off come Sept. 🙂

Anyways completely off the subject but figured I should interject a bit of happy and positive into the whole “where the heck is BG?!” .. 🙂

I can’t wait until she’s here and all this will feel like it was worth it… right now its just a hellish waiting game.

So this time last week I was crying my eyes out listening to some unknown woman push out a baby a couple of meters away from me… I guess a week has gone by fairly quickly although I’m not looking forward to going back for my checkup on Saturday. I guess I was optomistically hopefully that the baby would come before then – well she has two days to get herself here but very very doubtful.

Actually feeling a bit annoyed because if she comes next week (like I have a feeling she is) Ryohei has work both Saturday and Sunday which he told me he will not be taking off so pretty much its just going to be BG and I at the hospital with no Daddy around.. yay typical Japanese family!! Figures I’m giving birth right in the middle of the busy komuin festival season… which means that Ryohei has lots of weekend work coming up in the next month. He has to work during Obon as well… once again another matsuri/festival.

Who knows.. maybe it will be even later when she comes… I was 10 days late, Ryohei was 2…

Today was awfully hot – it has been relatively cool the last week from the rain, but today was a scorcher… it got up to about 35 degrees in the afternoon and I managed to knock down the screen door and was afraid of bugs coming in so I got to stay upstairs the whole afternoon trying to get by with fan alone and not use the A/C altho I did give in once or twice for about an hour.

Anyways Ryohei had a feel of my ankles and legs and proclaimed they were a bit swollen again. Surprise surprise consider it was so damn hot and we had just walked around the home store for about an hour… and then he brought up good old dr. idiots calorie control idea again. God I hate my Dr. for making my husband think I’m a fat cow who has brought all my end of pregnancy misfortune on myself for not being able the resist the occasional ice cream and cheese… I had a nice talk with a (yet unmet) friend in Nagano who made me feel better about having gained “all this weight.” Just sucks to have people get me so down on it… its not like I really WANTED this either. 😦 I’ve had so many people say to me “oh my dr. was really good about the weight gain” seems unfair I got a Dr. who can’t see past the strict “less than 10kg” limit. BTW – way past 10kg at this point 😦 I would LOVE to be back to my pre-birth weight or lower…. believe me. But there isn’t much I can do now besides get rid of the baby/placenta/waters/extra blood/extra boobies… etc.

Oh well.. it just depressed me that Ryohei brought it up. He’s never really been controlling about what I’ve eaten or anything – and he’s still not really but I can feel him looking at me questioningly when I tell him I’ll have a cookie too or whatever… sigh…

All this crap really has made end of pregnancy a nightmare. I just really really want it to be over with so doctors and husbands and whoever else will just leave me and my “Fat ass” alone… and let the magic of breast feeding help me shrink down a bit I guess.

I guess thats it really… I guess it doesn’t help still no signs of impending labor or anything – doesn’t feel like shes moved down much at all – I’m still getting kneed/elbowed in the midstomach… blah… I’m not looking forward to Saturday but I refuse to be “institutionalized” again so there better be no more talk of that.

sigh… night all


Posted on: July 8, 2009

So I have my appointment in about… 6 hours or so… just killing time here wondering exactly what is going to happen. My measurement on the BP calculator that Ryohei brought home last night read apprx. 145/115 both times which will probably have me admitted for the insanely high lower number which wonderfully jumped over 20 points since I last had it checked on Saturday…

I guess we will have to see what the machine actually reads at the hospital… but if it is in that arena they probably will at least keep me for observation as I think my Dr. said anything over 160 or 100 is not good 😦

Thanks to the very very helpful comments I have pretty much got my bag packed baring stuff I am still using like pajamas (in them right now) and toothbrush… need to brush my teeth after lunch! Ryohei is getting off work at 1:30 so he should be back before 3 and then we are going to register my foreigners card at the city hall (much easier for him to drive me than to take the bus) and then off to the clinic we go for hopefully just a bp check… and then after that who knows.

I really have no idea what the doctor is looking for and what will make him admit me or not… either way I got a LOT done yesterday with setting up the baby cot, the baby mobile, the baby moniter, washing pretty much all of BG’s stuff I hadn’t washed yet, and pretty much making it so that if she is coming this week things will be ready for her when we get back from the clinic. I even stuck her little lovey doll in my pajamas last night to hopefully rub some of my scent on them for her. (lol)

I guess pretty much stuff is on hold until we find out how the appointment goes… Ryohei asked me what I was making for dinner since he had brought a huge sack of potatos from his grandmas but I told him I have no idea and that he maybe cooking for himself for a bit… He said while I am in the clinic he will probably just stay at his parents house since it would be too lonely here by himself… (ok.. x_x)

I have tried to find whether or not I can email posts to wordpress but looks like I can’t – I can still email posts to my blogger.. so I may do that and then import them into wordpress later so if I haven’t written anything in a few days check out my old blogger link as I may have updated there. I THINK I can send pictures there as well… so maybe BG will get to make her photo debut before I am out…

Anyways I will update again after my appointment if I can!! If not – send me happy birthing vibes since BG will probably be making her appearence soon…